If I Kissed You, Would You Hit Me?
by may10baby
Summary: Sasuke and Itachi constantly chase after unwilling Naruto and Kyuubi, they must escape the fangirls,avoid the Akatsuki Uke Anti-Rape Squad, defeat the other Semes out for their Ukes, and finally! Capture the loves of their lives! FROM THE AUTHOR OF MAYDAY
1. Hello, Problem! Bye, Problem!

Summary-If I Kissed you, Would You Hit Me?

May: An obsessed Sasuke chasing our favorite blonde boy. Set in the modern day.

Sasuke: Who the hell says he's OUR boy? He's MINE!!!

May: sweatdrop, right, right.

* * *

"For fuck's sake!" 15-year-old Naruto screamed, tan hands yanking at his spiky sunshine blonde hair in a violent gesture. His azure blue eyes squinted slightly at the pain. He was dressed in a black tank top and off-white jeans, an orange belt was slung into its hoops casually. The outfit showed off his slender figure with more muscle than showed and really long legs for someone his height.

He turned away from the dead end of the rose maze his school, or academy, Icha Icha Lovey Dovey Academy, had thrown in to fill a gap in the 10-acre land they owned. The academy ranged in anything from sports to thermo-nuclear physics.

So how'd he get stuck in the maze? Well our poor blonde has a problem.

Well this problem started a while ago, kindergarten to be exact.

* * *

-Flashback no Jutsu!-

* * *

Naruto, age five, a more chibish version of his older self, dressed in an orange hoody and blue jeans, due to the chilly fall air, clung to an older boy with red hair down to his shoulders and matching, slitted eyes. The red head was dressed in a black long coat with blue jeans underneath with canvas sneakers.

"Nii-chan! Naru doesn't _wanna_ go to school! Naru wants to stay with mommy at home! _Nii-chan_!" Naruto wailed clinging to his older brother's leg with an iron grip.

Kyuubi, age 11, groaned, running a hand through his hair that he'd decided to wear down today, he liked the fact it kept his ears warm.

"Naru, my adorable little brother, Mommy needs to get back to work, and Daddy's busy as well, and I need to get to class. You'll be fine, I promise!"

"Nuuuu!!!! Naru don't wanna! Don't _wanna_!" Naruto screamed, hopping up and down, still clinging to Kyuubi's leg. Kyuubi winced, he couldn't feel his left toes. "Naru wanna go home! Go home! Mommy!" he cried out instinctively when a pair of arms circled his waist, the shock making him loosen his grip slightly with Kyuubi hurriedly pulling his numb leg away. "Monster! Monster!" he screamed, kicking his legs roughly as the "monster" stood up, carrying him.

"There, there…" a kind-looking man with his brown hair pulled into a ponytail and a scar across his nose chided, dressed in a green t-shirt and dirty jeans. "I'm no monster, silly! My name's Iruka, and I'll be your teacher!" he chuckled when Naruto, failing to escape his grasp, stopped thrashing around and started to cry.

"W-wa-ah! N-nii-chan…mo-mon-monster…!" Naruto cried, rubbing his eyes with his fists as Kyuubi's hand soothingly patted him on the head.

Wait, no, it wasn't Kyuubi's hand…it's Iruka's?!

Naruto reflexively snapped at the fingers, growling slightly as Iruka's hand drew near his face again.

"Naruto!" Kyuubi gasped, pinching the blonde's cheek in punishment, earning a whine.

"Ow!"

"Bad! Don't bite your teachers!" Kyuubi frowned when Iruka laughed. "What?"

"Your kindergarten teacher stopped by to warn me about the fact your younger brother was coming, Kyuubi-kun." Iruka snickered "Have you forgotten how you acted your first week at school?" At Kyuubi's blank face, he continued. "Your teacher said that you sat down in a corner without even telling your parents goodbye and threw wooden blocks at the teachers when they came near you."

"Oh my god, really? I don't remember!" Kyuubi replied, rubbing his temple in thought.

"Don't think too hard!" Iruka teased, setting a sniffling Naruto on the ground "Now, we have toys if you wanna play…" he offered, smiling at Naruto.

Naruto ignored him and turned to glare at Kyuubi childishly, he opened his arms in a demanding way and snapped "I want Kyuu-Kyuu!"

"Kyuu-Kyuu?" Iruka sweatdropped, as Kyuubi sighed, sliding off his backpack, unzipping it, and taking out a large, red, stuffed fox plushie made of velvet about the same size of his little brother. He handed it to Naruto, who immediately grabbed it, and giving the plushie a firm hug he started to tell him how unfair this whole thing was.

"Naruto would fight a death match for Kyuu-Kyuu, try not to make it come to that…" Kyuubi pleaded, placing his hands together "Now I'm going to run away before he tries to latch onto me again, take care of him, will you Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka smiled, petting Kyuubi on the head "Of course, now hurry on to class."

"Ah, crap! I'm late! Thank you!" Kyuubi waved, running out the door top speed, a few other students running after him, realizing their lateness, the others mostly walked, waving bye to their siblings.

Naruto blinked, looking around "Nii-chan?" his head spun around wildly "Nii-chan?!" he panicked, clinging to Kyuu-Kyuu for dear life as he ran around, not noticing other children doing the same, while the out-numbered teachers tried to capture them.

He tripped, Kyuu-Kyuu flying out of his hands as he sprawled out onto the ground. He teared up, getting into a kneeling position, sniffling, on the verge of bawling.

Then _he_ appeared.

Naruto blinked back tears as Kyuu-Kyuu was offered back to him by a pale boy with black hair that framed his face and was styled in an odd way in the back. Worried and curious onyx eyes stared at him, He had on a black turtleneck sweater and gray jeans. The boy nudging Kyuu-Kyuu into Naruto chest, urging him to take it, which Naruto did. He then led Naruto to one of the numerous small tables at which the children were supposed to sit at.

The brunette pushed Naruto lightly into a chair before sitting next to him and examining the blonde sharply. Naruto tensed as those dark eyes scanned his body.

"Are you hurt?" his voice was soft yet had an air of sweetness around it that Naruto liked.

Naruto blinked realizing any pain was gone and he shook his head, wiping at his eyes. He smiled waterily at the boy "Naru isn't ouchie, thank you."

"Hi Naru, my name's Uchiha Sasuke." The brunette replied, still examining the blonde, though it wasn't as oblivious.

"Ah, Naru's real name is Uzumaki Naruto, only Naru calls Naru, Naru, or Nii-chan." Naruto explained, blinking in surprise when Sasuke frowned at him.

"I can't call you Naru? Why not?" Sasuke questioned, sulking slightly.

"Only Naru or Nii-chan does." Naruto replied.

"I wanna call you Naru." Sasuke stated, looking at Naruto who giggled.

"Naru didn't say Sasuke couldn't call Naru, Naru!" Naruto giggled as Sasuke processed this before grinning.

"Okay, Naru." Sasuke replied a smile on his face.

* * *

End Flashback

* * *

Oh, the fluffiness! Well guess what, that when I _met _the problem, except he wasn't a problem back then. He's just been a problem since 7th grade;

* * *

Woo! Another Flashback!

* * *

12-year-old Naruto, dressed in a orange tank top and black jeans, with a green jewel necklace he'd won in a drinking contest against his grandma, stared blankly at his best friend, 13-year-old Uchiha Sasuke, dressed in a black tank top, matching low-riding cargo pants, mascara, black nail polish and fishnet, fishnet, fishnet!

"…What?" he asked slowly, staring at the brunette as though he'd grown a second head.

"I love you, Naruto." Sasuke repeated firmly, finding it easier to say the second time.

"L-love? S-Sasuke, I don't…" Naruto trailed off, what the hell were you supposed to say when you best friend says things like this?! "I really…" he bit his lips, lowering his gaze from the Uchiha's face.

Sasuke frowned '_Shit_.' He pressed Naruto against the wall they usually met at. "Naruto, I've loved you since we were little, dobe…" he tilted Naruto's face up slowly "Don't say no, I need you…" he whispered, his lips brushing against Naruto's sensually.

Naruto turned his head sharply, causing Sasuke's lips to press against his cheek. He winced when Sasuke pulled back, giving him an injured look. The brunette stepped back, lowering his head till his bangs covered his flushed face. "Sorry…" he mumbled awkwardly before sprinting off.

"Sa-Sasuke!" Naruto ran off after he in vain, Sasuke had longer legs and more agility than him. "I'm sorry…" he whimpered, slowing down, hugging himself, realizing he'd just lost his one, true friend.

-Next Day-

Naruto instinctively walked over to the spot he and Sasuke usually met before and after school. He blinked in surprise when he saw the brunette there, waiting for him.

"Sasuke?!" said Uchiha's head snapped up, a smile breaking out onto his face went Naruto hugged him. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, it's just that it was so sudden. But, I really just want to be friends." The smile dimmed a bit.

Sasuke chuckled in a way that made the hair on the back of Naruto's neck stand on end. In less than a second Naruto felt his body being shoved firmly against the wall and something warm and wet being pressed against his lips, he gasped in surprise, Sasuke taking the opportunity to slide his tongue into the blonde's mouth.

Naruto jumped when he felt a knee rubbing against his crotch. '_oh my god, oh my god..._' he numbly thought as Sasuke continued to press his body against his own in a way more than "buddy, buddy" way. His fingers tangled themselves into the black mesh shirt Sasuke had slid on today, said brunette gripping Naruto by the hair to tilt his head back and give him a better angle to work at. "Mmm…Mm!" Naruto yanked on Sasuke's shirt frantically. '_What the hell?!_'

Sasuke separated, letting Naruto choke in air as he pleasured the blonde with little kisses up his jaw. He tugged on Naruto's earlobe with his teeth, earning a goddamn arousing whine as Naruto's breath blasted against his neck in short, quick gasps. "Dammit..." he groaned, aligning his hips against the blonde's, releasing a deep moan from their throats.

"Sas…Sas…oh no, please, not there…I…I…" Naruto pushed at Sasuke's chest uselessly.

"Naru…" Sasuke breathed heavily into the blonde's ear. "After your rejection last night I went home and my kind older brother suggested using the same method he uses to molest your brother. Operation: Weapon of Mass Molestation." He leaned back and smirked at Naruto's flushed face.

'_Mental note; shoot Itachi…_' Naruto stored that away in his memory. "Sasuke, you can't just force yourself on me!"

The Uchiha grinned maniacally "Can't I?"

Naruto felt his lifespan shorten by half at the look Sasuke gave him.

* * *

End Flashback

* * *

"Naru-koi!" (A/N: For those who don't know, "koi" is Japanese for a term of lover)

Naruto turned around frantically, seeing the bane of his existence standing in his only path out.

"Shit!" Naruto cursed, back up against the foliage of the rose maze.

"What's wrong? Aren't these roses romantic? We could screw around in this spot, it be really hot... then again anything with you is hot…" Sasuke purred, eyes-half liddened as he stalked towards the doomed blonde.

He was dressed in a loose, unzipped, dark blue wife beater with 'My Uke could kick your Seme's ass' embroidered on the back in black, with a black tank top underneath that. His loose, low-riding, black cargo pants rode lower, revealing a bit of pubic hair, confirming the fact that Uchihas didn't wear boxers _or_ briefs.

"Sasuke! We have class! Let's go! I…I don't wanna be late!" Naruto stuttered as the brunette came closer and closer.

"Shush…we'll skip, then I'll carry you home like my bride." Sasuke said this with a love-struck, loony look on his face.

"Uchiha Sasuke! This is the Akatsuki Uke Anti-Rape Squad! You're hereby ordered to cease and desist your attempted rape of subject, Uzumaki Naruto!" an older boy with short red hair and brown eyes in a black dress shirt and matching slacks with a loose red tie around his neck stood up with incredible balance on the wall of roses, a black armband with a red cloud on it was slung onto his upper left arm.

"You'll never take me alive, coppers!" Sasuke shook his fist at Sasori, snatching a shrieking Naruto by the waist and hoisting him over his shoulder and turning to escape, cursing when he another "cop" with girly, long, blonde hair covering one eye and a pony-tail with only about a third of their hair actually in it. They had stormy blue eyes-not as pretty as Naruto's of course- which they used to glare at him from the pathway. He was dressed in a black tank top and a red scarf was tied around his neck and the cloud design, showing him to be a member of Akatsuki was stitched into a wristband on his right wrist, he'd opted for a red and black plaid mini-skirt over tight black jeans and red DC's with belts lay on his hips.

"Sasuke, let me _go_! Deidara! Sasori! _Help_!" Naruto shrieked, pounding on Sasuke's back.

"Sasuke, let Naruto go." Deidara ordered, crossing his arms in a lazy gesture, sighing when the brunette charged him. In a quick movement he snagged to arm holding Naruto and forced the Uchiha to drop him…KUNG-FU STYLE!

"Run." He suggested towards his fellow blonde who was already scrambling away.

"No! Naruto! You _promised_ we'd make sweet love tonight!" Sasuke twisted in Deidara's grip. "Naruto! PLEASE HAVE MY BABIES!!!!"

Sasori jumped down, walking over to them "Uhuh, sure. Itachi said the same thing, he was a little more detailed of course…" he trailed off, remembering the long line of Shakespearian love speak the brunette have thrown at Uzumaki Kyuubi, the red-haired boy very close to puking. "Come on, lets go join your big bro in Counseling…" he muttered, helping Deidara drag the screaming brunette away.

"Naruto!!!!!!"

* * *

May: How's that for a first chapter?! Unlike Mayday! Most of the drama'll will be dumped on Sasuke and Naruto, no kitties this time guys, however Sasuke isn't the only Seme out for his Uke♥

More importantly, REVIEWS! Please review me! I'm lonely :(

Also, I got the idea for Sasuke's shirt from the Seme or Uke personality quiz on the Internet.


	2. Therapist is short for The Rapist

Previously:

* * *

"_Uchiha Sasuke! This is the Akatsuki Uke Anti-Rape Squad! You're hereby ordered to cease and desist your attempted rape of subject, Uzumaki Naruto!" an older boy with short red hair and brown eyes in a black dress shirt and matching slacks with a loose red tie around his neck stood up with incredible balance on the wall of roses, a black armband with a red cloud on it was slung onto his upper left arm._

"_You'll never take me alive, coppers!" Sasuke shook his fist at Sasori, snatching a shrieking Naruto by the waist and hoisting him over his shoulder and turning to escape, cursing when he another "cop" with girly, long, blonde hair covering one eye and a pony-tail with only about a third of their hair actually in it. They had stormy blue eyes-not as pretty as Naruto's of course- which they used to glare at him from the pathway. He was dressed in a black tank top and a red scarf was tied around his neck and the cloud design, showing him to be a member of Akatsuki was stitched into a wristband on his right wrist, he'd opted for a red and black plaid mini-skirt over tight black jeans and red DC's with belts lay on his hips._

"_Sasuke, let me go! Deidara! Sasori! Help!" Naruto shrieked, pounding on Sasuke's back._

"_Sasuke, let Naruto go." Deidara ordered, crossing his arms in a lazy gesture, sighing when the brunette charged him. In a quick movement he snagged to arm holding Naruto and forced the Uchiha to drop him…KUNG-FU STYLE! _

"_Run." He suggested towards his fellow blonde who was already scrambling away._

"_No! Naruto! You promised we'd make sweet love tonight!" Sasuke twisted in Deidara's grip. "Naruto! PLEASE HAVE MY BABIES!!!!"_

_Sasori jumped down, walking over to them "Uhuh, sure. Itachi said the same thing, he was a little more graphic of course…" he trailed off, remembering the long line of Shakespearian love speak the brunette have thrown at Uzumaki Kyuubi, the red-haired boy very close to puking. "Come on, lets go join your big bro in Counseling…" he muttered, helping Deidara drag the screaming brunette away._

"_Naruto!!!!!!"

* * *

_

May: Chapter 2, XD like the title? Warning: Yaoi, lotsa it in all formats of fluff, man smex, and speaking of man smex…XDD but we all like that, don't we?

Chapter 2: Everyone knows Therapist is a typo of "The Rapist"

* * *

"My, my, what am I going to do with you two?" Orochimaru, a long-haired, extremely pale man with yellow eyes, dressed in a silk, pink dress shirt and black slacks sighed at the two occupants in his room.

Uchiha Sasuke crossed his legs in a bored manner "It's not my fault my adorable saiai (sweetheart) is…well, adorable." His eyes went starry "I'll bed you yet, Uzumaki Naruto!" he struck a victory pose in the center of the room, very similar to a style used by the Gym teacher and his son, currently attending the academy. Neither Orochimaru or the other occupant of the room seemed to find this out of the ordinary…well, it _wasn't_.

"Orochimaru-sensei, would you please release us? I'd like to return to stalking my Tenshi,(angel) Kyuubi…" Uchiha Itachi, older brother to Uchiha Sasuke, stated calmly, his blood red eyes focused on Orochimaru's golden ones. He was dressed in a long-sleeved, black shirt, torn stylishly and erotically, the tears big enough to give a pretty good view of his smooth torso and slim, yet muscular arms. It was a wonder how the teachers didn't yell at him… then again, they may like the view just as much as everyone else. His pants were tight and made of blacker leather, a dangerous combination when on this body. Various tears marred these too, a strategically placed one on his upper, inner thigh.

This outfit was part of his "Kyuubi Seduction Plan, v.112.6.8" …don't ask why the numbers are so high, he'll glare at you until you die.

"I love your outfit, Itachi-kun." Orochimaru replied, nodding his head in approval at Itachi's choice of apparel.

"Yes, you and all of my other fans, the problem being that Kyuubi _doesn't_ like it, Gods know why…I'm sexy, and you can _clearly_ see the shape of my _perfect_ ass!"

Oh, Orochimaru had noticed, and nodded in sympathy "Poor you, something must be physically or mentally wrong with Kyuubi." He added, flinching when Itachi glared at him with Uchiha Death Glare v. 54.7.9…don't ask why these numbers are high either.

"There's _nothing_ wrong with my darling Kyuubi." He stated icily, completely ruining the moment by adding on an incredibly girly sigh at the end of things, resting his head in his hands in a dreamy way.

"And Naru-koi's just divine!" Sasuke squealed, running around in circles like a fangirl.

Orochimaru watched the girly sighing Itachi and fangirlish Sasuke and nodded. "Nothing wrong here, get out."

* * *

Uzumaki Kyuubi prided himself on many things. His brains, his cute little brother, and in a much less exaggerated way than Itachi, his looks. He was dressed in a silky black turtleneck with the sleeves stylishly ripped off and white short shorts. He regretted this immensely when Itachi attempted to rip said shorts to shreds while trying to get in his pants, _twenty-seven times_…_before_ he could scream rape. Damn that bag gag Itachi's always carrying around to use on him!

He sighed, curling up on a library reading chair, they were so soft and lush, you sank right in! "At least Itachi'll have to stay in counseling for a little while…" he whispered, relieved Hidan and Kakuzu had gotten there in time…let's just say that if it was strip poker, Kyuubi would have nothing to bet with. He turned the page of his book, jumping when a voice chuckled up directly above him.

Itachi watched as Kyuubi's head snapped up, his crimson eyes meeting those slitted orbs. He nearly moaned when the red head spoke after not hearing Kyuubi's voice for so long.

"I…ta…chi?" Kyuubi stared blankly at the smirking brunette, wasn't Itachi supposed to be in counseling?!..._Shit_.

"Hello Kyuubi, darling, what should we play today?" he swiftly dove down and forced his lips onto Kyuubi's.

Kyuubi gasped in shock, swiftly biting down on Itachi's lips, causing the brunette to hiss and jerk back. His eyes clashed with Itachi's, saw the greedy lust in them and screamed.

"Akatsuki! HELP!"(A/N: Imagine this is the actual series screamed by anyone, XD) Kyuubi squealed, trying to push a grabby Itachi away. "Rape!" he screamed, squeaking when Itachi's hand slid into the front of his pants, the other holding his wrists in place. "No!" he cried, kicking and thrashing around wildly.

"Uchiha Itachi!" Said brunette was hit hard in the back of his head.

Kyuubi leaned away as an unconscious Uchiha fell onto his recently endangered lap, and legs, did I mention his body over all?

Kyuubi looked up to thank his savior and paled. "Uh, hi, and thank you, Madara-sensei!" '_Shit! This is double-rape! Help! Mommy!_' he thought, whimpering when Madara grinned, brushing his lips against his flushed cheek.

"No thanks needed, Kyuubi-kun." Madara, an older man with long, yet spiky, black hair with one eye covered in a long bang, dressed in a black dress shirt and gray slacks, purred right back, crimson eyes half-lidded. He straightened, winking at Kyuubi, before walking off, holding the book Kyuubi was reading.

The redhead winced '_Double shit, that was the only copy! And I wanna read it real bad! He probably expects me to go over towards the gym room to get it, maybe Gai-sensei can get it for me…_' various thoughts ran through his head, too busy thinking, he didn't hear Itachi stir.

Itachi's dark eyelashes fluttered opened, his gaze resting on Kyuubi's worried face. "Mmm… what's wrong, baby?" he questioned, smirking when Kyuubi jumped slightly, his face resting on Itachi's.

"Oh, you're awake…" Kyuubi stated stupidly, blushing when Itachi picked him, before swapping positions so that Kyuubi was straddling him. "O-Oi!" he squeaked, squirming slightly, stopping at the look that passed over Itachi's face.

"…Yes, who hit me?" Itachi wondered aloud, glancing around lazily.

"Umm…" Kyuubi braced himself for the attack. "Madara-sensei?" He flinched when Itachi's eyes sharpened, snapping to his.

"…What. Did. He. Do. To. You…" Itachi bit out, murder lacing his words. Kyuubi winced. The only thing worse than a love-struck Itachi was a jealous Itachi.

"N-nothing!" Kyuubi replied, worrying more about calming the brunette down then the position they were in.

"Kyuubi…" Said redhead grew even more worried, no "kun" or "chan" or "darling" or "my favorite bunny cosplayer"? Uh-oh…

"Really! He…" Kyuubi trailed off at the look it Itachi gave him. "Well, he didn't do much..?"

Itachi's eyes narrowed dangerously "How much?" He demanded, not asked.

Kyuubi laughed nervously "Well, it was just a peck on the cheek…" he yelped when Itachi pushed him forcefully off his lap, falling onto the ground with a hard bump. "Ow! Itachi!" he glared after the brunette's retreating form, despite the situation he was just in.

'_I'm gonna kill that Mo'Fo…_' Itachi thought, snarling at the librarian that told him to go apologize to Kyuubi. The lady pressed herself against the wall when he passed.

* * *

Sasuke looked high and Sasuke looked low. "Oh, where? Oh, where, has my little fox gone? Oh, where? Oh, where, can he be? I need to fuck him so hard and so long, that way we'll both be happy!" he sang cheerfully, skipping along the halls, the few sane students left in the school (freshmen), avoided him, the others frankly didn't give a shit.

* * *

Naruto scrambled into the nurse's office "Granny! Hide me!" he wailed, running over to a busty, blonde-haired woman with hazel eyes.

Tsunade, one considered to have made plastic surgery a miracle, glanced up from her paperwork. "Look brat, I don't have time to protect you from your boy toy, leave me alone."

"B-but! Gaara said he heard him singing gay nursery rhymes in the halls while he skipped along, SKIPPED GRANNY, _SKIPPED_!" Naruto flailed his arms a bit to emphasize his point.

Tsunade sweatdropped "Shouldn't he be in counseling for that sort of thing?"

"Orochimaru-sensei's their counselor…" Naruto muttered "Dirty bastard…" he added.

"Hell yeah, go lie in bed, pull the curtains closed." Tsunade returned to her paperwork, drinking sake out of a coffee mug so she didn't look suspicious.

Naruto dove onto the bed, yanking the curtain closed as the door opened.

* * *

"Aha!" Sasuke cried, pointing at the curtained bed, an imaginary antenna poking out of his head "My Smexy Fox's Ass Sensor's always right! Naruto-chan!" he dove for the curtains, yanking them back to reveal: Sabaku-no-Gaara.

"Sssshhhhiiiitttt!" Sasuke whined, pouting at the resting redhead.

Gaara, with short red hair and jade green eyes, insomnia that left lines around his eyes till he resembled a panda or raccoon, or both, suffered from lacko-eyebroworeo-lus, and was dressed in a gray t-shirt and jeans that had seen better days. Traces of sand covered his attire. He peeled one eye open before, sitting up, grunting. "Uchiha." He greeted gruffly, scratching his head in a lazy gesture.

"Gaa-chan! (A/N: Imagine how high Sasuke must be right now…XD) Where's my widdle foxy?" Sasuke chirped, glancing around the room for his soon-to-be-wife.

Gaara felt his eye give an involuntary twitch '"_Gaa-chan_"' "I don't know, I stopped by here to rest my eyes."

"You took a nap?!" Gaara stared at the brunette like he was an idiot, oh wait! He _was_.

"…You're crazy…"

"Only for my lovey-dovey mate!"

Gaara buried his face into his hands, anymore of this 'cute speak' and he'd have to kill something. He couldn't help but smile evilly at the thought of Sasuke's head blown to pieces, with bits of blood and gore, not to mention brain matter, if there was any. Ah, he'd have to take a picture!

Sasuke sweatdropped as Gaara grinned evilly at him "Uhh…Anywho, seen my Naru around?" he asked, edging away from his fellow mental patient, except for completely different reasons.

"No." Gaara replied, trying to calm down by imagining he was with his teddy bear, Momo-chan, in heaven, who died recently in a wood chipper accident, due to his older brother's immense stupidity. Damn you, Shuukaku, you lazy drunk!

"Oh…are you lying to me?" Sasuke persisted, tilted his head to the side questioningly.

"YES! He's under the goddamn bed, now leave me the fuck alone!" he snapped, rubbing his temples in an attempt to fight the bitch of a headache approaching.

"Naru! My sexy lover!" Sasuke dragging the screaming blonde out from under the bed.

"Gaara! You dirty traitor!" Naruto screeched, clawing at the ground.

"Sorry bro, gotta look out for numero uno." Gaara replied, waving bye. Naruto turned desperately to a pity-wracked Tsunade who shook her head.

"Don't worry Naru, I'll take you gently, but by then you'll be screaming for me to be rough and hard." Sasuke licked his lips, dragging the blonde across the floor. "Come on! It's time to party like the rabbits do!"

"NOO!!!!!"

* * *

Madara glanced up from his clipboard as the door to his gym slammed open, Itachi in it's wake.

Itachi walked towards Madara, however, due to the fact there was about 30-40 feet between them this took a while.

"Hustle!" Madara pumped a fist into the air. Instead, Itachi stopped and crossed his arms.

"You touched my bitch." He growled lowly, his voice ending on a hiss.

Madara smirked "You're bitch? He screamed rape when you kissed him…I don't recall him doing that when I gave him a little smooch on the cheek, unlike you, I have enough self-control not to try to slam into him, feeling those slim hips buckle as I shove my dick deep into his virgin flesh…Mmm…" Madara licked his lips at the wet dreams plaguing him at night.

Itachi twitched. Ladies and Gentleman, it's been proven that it possible to be aroused and pissed at the same time. The leather pants didn't help much either.

"Take it I'm right?"

"Pedophilic son of a motherfucking bitch." Itachi hissed, eyes narrowing even more.

"Now, now, is that anyway to speak to your uncle? Come on, if your allowed to be attracted to that hot piece of under-aged ass, why can't I? However…" he added, at the deadly look Itachi gave him "If you find anyone closer to my age that resembles either of those boys you and little Sasuke seem so eager to fuck against the nearest solid object, I'll back off." He crossed his arms and smirked at Itachi "Deal?"

"…Deal."

* * *

May: Kukuku…LET IT BE KNOWN! Kyuubi AND Naruto ARE VIRGINS! We don't know for sure about Sasuke and Itachi, lol. THOUGH ITACHI AND SASUKE HAVE COME CLOSE, THEY'VE NEVER MANAGED TO BED EITHER OF THEM!

Itachi: Damn you, Anti-rape Squad!

Sasuke: Damn you, Uchiha Bad Luck Syndrome!

Please review! I need company! I'm an only child with busy parents T.T


	3. Semes, Ukes and Smukes Oh my!

Previously:

_Madara glanced up from his clipboard as the door to his gym slammed open, Itachi in it's wake._

_Itachi walked towards Madara, however, due to the fact there was about 30-40 feet between them this took a while._

"_Hustle!" Madara pumped a fist into the air. Instead, Itachi stopped and crossed his arms._

"_You touched my bitch." He growled lowly, his voice ending on a hiss._

_Madara smirked "You're bitch? He screamed rape when you kissed him…I don't recall him doing that when I gave him a little smooch on the cheek, unlike you, I have enough self-control not to try to slam into him, feeling those slim hips buckle as I shove my dick deep into his virgin flesh…Mmm…" Madara licked his lips at the wet dreams plaguing him at night._

_Itachi twitched. Ladies and Gentleman, it's been proven that it possible to be aroused and pissed at the same time. The leather pants didn't help much either._

"_Take it I'm right?"_

"_Pedophilic son of a motherfucking bitch." Itachi hissed, eyes narrowing even more._

"_Now, now, is that anyway to greet your uncle? Come on, if your allowed to be attracted to that hot piece of under-aged ass, why can't I? However…" he added, at the deadly look Itachi gave him "If you find anyone closer to my age that resembles either of those boys you and little Sasuke seem so eager to fuck against the nearest solid object, I'll back off." He crossed his arms and smirked at Itachi "Deal?"_

"…_Deal."

* * *

_

May: Never deal with Madara, XD.

Chapter 3: Ukes, Semes, and Smukes. Oh, My!

* * *

Naruto screamed, kicked, and downright cried as Sasuke carried him off to Lord knows where. "Sasuke! Let me go! I don't want to have sex with you!" he blinked when Sasuke opened a door to a janitor's closet, carrying the doomed blonde in.

"Shush, don't worry. You're a virgin, right? It feels so good Naru-chan, you'll be so delighted, you'll want me in you again and again…" Sasuke licked his lips.

"Eww!!! This is disgusting to talk about! Where do you get this stuff from?" Naruto squeaked, jumping when Sasuke tugged on his pants in suggestive manner.

"Pops up in my head occasionally between the dirty thoughts about you…" Sasuke purred back, rubbing against Naruto's crotch with his own. He let out a soft groan "Nnn…Naruto." He gasped, bumping his hips against the sexually dazed blonde.

"UCHIHA. _SASUKE_." said brunette froze.

'_Shit._'

There was one person that the Uchiha brothers stayed away from when dealing in the constant business of dominating their ukes' asses.

The Demon.

The Grim Reaper.

The Jack the Ripper of any and all Semes out for Uzumaki Kyuubi and Naruto's affection...and asses.

Uzumaki Kushina.

Their _mother_.

Sasuke choked when the woman, with her iron grip, grabbed him by the collar and yanked back, hard.

Kushina, eyes wild, and flowing, long red hair streaming out behind her like a flame, chucked Sasuke out of the closet, sending him clear across the hallway, slamming against the wall before sliding into a trashcan. She examined him for movement, tilting her head to the side before turning to fret over a stumbling Naruto, who was set on getting the fuck out of there.

"My poor baby! Don't worry! Mommy's here and that stupid chicken ass-gelled hair freak won't dare mess with you!" Kushina hugged Naruto to her bosom, rubbing his back soothingly.

"What about Kyuu-nii?" Naruto pondered aloud.

"Oh, your father's taking care of that, now lets go! I brought ramen!" Kushina started ushering Naruto away.

"…mom? When the last time I told you I loved you?"

"The last time I bought you ramen." Kushina replied cheerfully.

"Just checking!"

* * *

"M-Madara-sensei!" Kyuubi yanked free of his teacher's grip, a fierce blush on his face. "That's- That's just..!" he shoved his shirt back over his lower torso. "Just…just give me my book please!" he squeaked out when the teacher stood up and walked casually over to him.

"Itachi likes to speak in Shakespeare to you." Madara stated blankly.

Kyuubi blinked, tilting his head to the side "Huh?"

"Is it because you secretly have a thing for his work?" Madara idly ran his finger against the spine of a book off his desk labeled Romeo and Juliet. Kyuubi stiffened slightly, holding out his hand cautiously.

In one quick movement, Madara seized Kyuubi's hand and brushed his lips over the top of it. "I believe one of his sayings include how a kiss is like fire and powder, and how they consume, correct?" he chuckled when Kyuubi nodded, body still rigid. "Do you think of our first kiss when you read that line, Kyuu-chan?" he purred, watching the red head pale before yanking his hand free and snatching the book from Madara's grasp. He watched the red head grab his bags and make his way to the door "Kyuubi…" he called out "We both know it'll break Itachi's heart when he finds out your heart is mine."

"…What do you want?" Kyuubi questioned quietly, his bangs covering his eyes completely.

"Nothing, just a thought…nice ass by the way!." Madara added, Kyuubi blushing beet red before sprinting down the hallway at mach 5.

Kyuubi stumbled into the main hallway, into Itachi's worried arms.

"Kyuubi-chan?" Itachi supported the flushed red head "Hey, what's wrong?" he stroked back the strands of ruby locks from Kyuubi's face.

"Itachi? Oh, nothing, nothing." Kyuubi straightened, brushing off imaginary dust from his shirt and pants.

Itachi studied him for a bit more before smirking dangerously. "Oh then, did you know the school is thinking of doing Romeo and Juliet for the Winter Festival?" he questioned, watching in amusement as Kyuubi's face lit up.

"Really?!" Kyuubi asked in a breathless whisper "Who's playing who?! Could you take me?! I really-wait…" he processed what he'd just said.

"Of course Kyuubi darling, I'd be glad to take you, however I was hoping you'd be in it…" Itachi grinned at the confused look on Kyuubi's face. "Kyuu-chan…" he whispered, taking Kyuubi's hands in his own and leaning forward till his forehead was resting against a stunned red head's "…will you be my Juliet?" he purred, staring into those crimson orbs.

"…eh? EH?!" Kyuubi gasped, yanking his hands free and covering his mouth with it. "M-me?! I'M A _GUY_!" he screeched, flailing his arms wildly, a few students stopping to stare at him. "I can't be Juliet!" he cried, thoroughly panicked.

"But Kyuubi-kun…" one of the girls in the crowd piped up "You made a wonderful Wendy back in middle school!" she giggled, a few more people joining in on the laughter.

"Besides!" another student added laughingly. "You and your little brother could help each with your lines!" he laughter only grew when Kyuubi stared at him blankly. "Dude, he's _Cinderella_ for the Winter Festival!" he cackled, very close to falling on the ground.

Kyuubi felt very, very faint, so faint that he didn't notice Itachi grope him as he was led back to the Main Office where apparently his dad was waiting.

May: Younger Kyuubi as Wendy from Peter Pan, XDDD. Madara and Kyuubi know each other from their pasts, XD. And Itachi doesn't give a flying fuck about it!

* * *

Note: Cinderella will be coming first because I have no clue what Romeo and Juliet is about, we're covering it this semester I think, so when the school system teaches the story to me, then I'll screw with it and make it crack yaoi! Sorry Shakespeare! 


	4. Costumes and Burgulary Tools

May: lol, we've started Romeo and Juliet in my class! XDD "Do you bite your thumb at me sir?" – our teacher's translation "Biting your thumb flipping someone off, XDD"

Lol, but, as I said Cinderella first! With plot twists! But before all that, practicing and costumes!

* * *

Previously: _"My poor baby! Don't worry! Mommy's here and that stupid chicken ass-gelled hair freak won't dare mess with you!" Kushina hugged Naruto to her bosom, rubbing his back soothingly._

"_What about Kyuu-nii?" Naruto pondered aloud._

"_Oh, your father's taking care of that, now lets go! I brought ramen!" Kushina started ushering Naruto away._

"…_mom? When the last time I told you I loved you?"_

"_The last time I bought you ramen." Kushina replied cheerfully._

"_Just checking!"_

"_Of course Kyuubi darling, I'd be glad to take you, however I was hoping you'd be in it…" Itachi grinned at the confused look on Kyuubi's face. "Kyuu-chan…" he whispered, taking Kyuubi's hands in his own and leaning forward till his forehead was resting against a stunned red head's "…will you be my Juliet?" he purred, staring into those crimson orbs._

"…_eh? EH?!" Kyuubi gasped, yanking his hands free and covering his mouth with it. "M-me?! I'M A GUY!" he screeched, flailing his arms wildly, a few students stopping to stare at him. "I can't be Juliet!" he cried, thoroughly panicked._

"_But Kyuubi-kun…" one of the girls in the crowd piped up "You made a wonderful Wendy back in middle school!" she giggled, a few more people joining in on the laughter._

"_Besides!" another student added laughingly. "You and your little brother could help each other with your lines!" he laughter only grew when Kyuubi stared at him blankly. "Dude, he's Cinderella for the Winter Festival!" he cackled, very close to falling on the ground._

_Kyuubi felt very, very faint, so faint that he didn't notice Itachi grope him as he was led back to the Main Office where apparently his dad was waiting.

* * *

_

Kyuubi and Naruto were sad, correction, they weren't "sad" they were experiencing severe depression while glooming up the red head's room.

"I-I have to kiss Itachi…on the lips!" Kyuubi whimpered, recalling the ending, gripping his hair, while shaking his head from side to side, thinking of his impending doom. Surely 'Romeo' would heal miraculously from his poison overdose to drag 'Juliet' off the stage for a little romp fest.

"So?! Sasuke's my Prince Charming!" Naruto wailed "Aren't you supposed to lose your virginity first, Kyuu-nii?!" he sniffled, glancing at a sobbing Kyuubi before his eyes drifted to their scripts.

Naruto's was at least an inch thinner than Kyuubi's 'Thank God that Shakespeare didn't write Cinderella…' the blonde thought, blinking when their mom walked in with a plate of cookies and milk.

"Sugar!" Naruto lunged at the plate, but Kyuubi tackled him onto the ground and help his mouth wide open, looking at his mother expectantly.

Kushina sighed, popping a cookie into Kyuubi's mouth, the red head pulling away and off of Naruto with a satisfied smirk on his face as he returned to his bed and began to flip through his script, grabbing a pink highlighter and marking his roles.

Naruto shoved a handful of cookies into his mouth and gulped down a glass of milk before swallowing and returning the bed, ignoring Kyuubi's warning about spilling crumbs on his sheets. He peered at Kyuubi's highlighting and, deciding it wasn't a bad idea, grabbing an orange highlighter and began to mark up his lines as well.

Kushina examined them before humming in approval and leaving the two to their work.

* * *

"Oh! Oh! Itachi and Sasuke! I'm sooo…proud!" Mitoko Uchiha giggled insanely, clasping her hands together and bouncing up and down excitedly. "Oh, we must celebrate your new roles!" she twirled around and whipped out her cell, not noticing Itachi and Sasuke smirking behind her.

"Sasuke, why don't we go help our lovely ukes with their lines?" Itachi questioned, turning his head to look at his brother.

"A genius as always, Aniki." Sasuke replied, grinning more broadly as he and Itachi ran upstairs to grab their scripts and burglary tools.

"Ah? Sasuke? Itachi? Yoo-hoo?" Mitoko called out, turning around and looking around blackly, not hearing the sound of her older son's car pulling out of the drive way.

* * *

Kyuubi groaned, rolling around on his bed. He was tired and his eyes hurt from reading so much. His eyes fluttered open as he thought about having one of the cookies Naruto hadn't devoured for a midnight snack, his eyes met a another set of blood-red eyes.

"Hello, Kyuubi-chan…" Itachi purred, leering at the redhead who suddenly felt very naked in just a tank top and sweatpants.

Kyuubi screamed- or tried to, since Itachi's hand slapped over his mouth before he could draw in a breath.

"Now, now. Calm down…well, that's interesting, you braid your hair before you go to bed? You look really cute…" Itachi noted, smiling at the thoroughly confused redhead.

Kyuubi, having successfully pried Itachi's hand off his mouth, hissed sharply "What on earth are you doing in my room at" he glanced at the clock "12:26am?!" Itachi smiled, a rare thing for anyone but Kyuubi to see.

"I wanted to see you♥" Itachi replied, placing at kiss on Kyuubi's nose. "And Sasuke wanted to see Naruto as well…" he smirked when Kyuubi stared at him.

"Both of you…" the redhead stated weakly.

"Both of us…" Itachi repeated, slipping underneath Kyuubi's blanket, earning a squeak.

"No! No! No!" Kyuubi eeped when Itachi's arms circled his waist, pulling him closer.

"Shh…Go to sleep…we'll rehearse in the morning…" Itachi cooed, tucking a sputtering Kyuubi's head underneath his chin.

"B-b-bu-but…" Kyuubi struggling in the brunette's iron grip before giving up and letting Itachi cuddle him.

* * *

Sasuke cuddled Naruto as the blonde woke up from a nightmare about being on a deserted island with the exception of people that looked suspiciously like Sasuke, who raped him. He blinked, pausing in his tears to stare at the one holding him.

Sasuke kissed those pouty lips sweetly.

Naruto promptly fainted.

"…Naru-chan..?"

* * *

Kyuubi and Naruto sprinted to their separate classrooms, waving good-bye as they tried to beat the bell and going their separate ways. Damn those Uchihas for everything! EVERYTHING!

Though it was funny to watch them be beaten to a bloody mess by their parents…

Kyuubi skidded to a stop outside his home room door and bolted in.

"I'm sorry that I'm…" he trailed off, staring at the mountains of fabric piled onto desks.

"Oh, Kyuubi-kun!" a random girl ran up next to him "We get to do the _clothing_ for Romeo and Juliet!" she squealed in delight, running back over to help her friends sort the sheets of fabric.

Kyuubi turned his head slowly when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Are you playing the role of Juliet?" a gray-haired, masked man asked.

"…" Kyuubi nodded slowly.

"Good, my name's Kakashi, and I'll be designing your costume!"

'I sense a disturbance in the Force…' Kyuubi thought darkly, eyeing the porn book in Kakashi's hands.

His eyes met Itachi, who was currently being measured by one of Kakashi's assistants, the attendee making sure not to brush against the bandages on his body.

Itachi smirked and Kyuubi paled.

"…Am I wearing a dress..?" he asked quietly, collapsing onto the floor when Kakashi replied;

"Duh…"

" I curse whoever's in charge of the Drama Department!" he yelled loudly, classmates staring at him. Itachi grinned.

* * *

Naruto dove into the classroom just as the bell rang, literally.

"Safe!"

He stood up and glared at Sasuke darkly, the brunette smiling brightly in response, sporting a few more bandages then a few hours ago. 'He still manages to be early…' the blonde seethed.

"Ahem…before Naruto's baseball antics disturbed us all…" Iruka muttered, glancing at the blonde, who quickly seated himself next to Sasuke, unfortunately. "This classroom has been assigned the clothing for the play of Cinderella the lead roles being two of our classmates." Iruka gestured towards Sasuke and Naruto, the first currently trying to seduce the second, "And this is our costume expert, who will be helping us." He glanced behind him and a teen that looked suspiciously like Sasuke stepped up.

"Hello, my name is Sai, and I'll be designing the costumes for this play." The brunette smiled, mainly at Naruto, which Sasuke didn't like one bit.

* * *

May: Yeah, proof anime is on my mind constantly. I came up with this right before bed time and now it's after-hours -///-;; Sai as Naruto's cosplay designer…-giggles- 


	5. Competion and Snuggly Times

May: Dun, dun, dunnnn… bring on the costumes designs!

Lol, something funny, we had a sub for bio, and I swear to god, he looked like he should be on Baywatch or something…XD! Blonde hair and muscles with a tan! My friend agrees with me.

* * *

Previously:

_Kyuubi skidded to a stop outside his home room door and bolted in._

"_I'm sorry that I'm…" he trailed off, staring at the mountains of fabric piled onto desks._

"_Oh, Kyuubi-kun!" a random girl ran up next to him "We get to do the clothing for __Romeo and Juliet__!" she squealed in delight, running back over to help her friends sort the sheets of fabric._

_Kyuubi turned his head slowly when he felt a tap on his shoulder._

"_Are you playing the role of Juliet?" a gray-haired, masked man asked._

"…" _Kyuubi nodded slowly._

"_Good, my name's Kakashi, and I'll be designing your costume!"_

'_I sense a disturbance in the Force…' Kyuubi thought darkly, eyeing the porn book in Kakashi's hands._

_His eyes met Itachi, who was currently being measured by one of Kakashi's assistants, the attendee making sure not to brush against the bandages on his body. _

_Itachi smirked and Kyuubi paled._

"…_Am I wearing a dress..?" he asked quietly, collapsing onto the floor when Kakashi replied;_

"_Duh…"_

" _I curse whoever's in charge of the Drama Department!" he yelled loudly, classmates staring at him. Itachi grinned._

* * *

Chapter 5

"No!" Kyuubi screamed, attempting to shred Kakashi's 'rough draft' of what his 'dress' for his role of Juliet would be.

On the paper, a long split ran up the center of a blue scrap of clothing that would barely cover Kyuubi's thighs, a non-existent neckline with bared shoulders and long, loose, robe-like sleeves……? What? There's nothing else?!

"What am I?! Some hooker?!" Kyuubi shrieked, jumping up and down, flailing his arms in an attempt to reach the paper that Kakashi had cleverly held above his head, stopping the shorter red head's plans.

"Well, with those jeans…" Kakashi motioned towards the more-than-usual ripped up article of clothing, paired with a horizontally striped, black and red, long-sleeved shirt. Bracelets and rings dotted Kyuubi's hands and his hair had been pulled back into a messy bun.

"I can't help it if Itachi's stronger that he looks! I refuse to wear something like that for the play!" Kyuubi huffed, crossing his arms before turning around with the intent to go in a corner and sulk until he got his way.

He blinked in surprise when he collided with someone's warm chest.

"Oh! I'm sorry…" he blushed, backing off and glancing up at the person's face.

Scruffy, sandy-blonde hair framed a god's face, and beautiful golden eyes that stared back at Kyuubi in slight amusement. There was a tan to the teen's skin, making him all the more sexy. The teen was wearing a black T-shirt with a long-sleeved white shirt underneath that and Army camouflaged cargo pants with numerous pockets. A black book bag was slung over his shoulder.

"Heh, it's my fault for sneaking up on you, name's Shuukaku." The teen offered his hand to an enamored Kyuubi.

"O-oh, well, yeah. My name's Kyuubi…" Kyuubi stuttered, shaking the god's hand briefly before tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear, a sign he was nervous.

Shuukaku's eyes narrowed in laughter at the red head's actions, before his eyes slid over Kyuubi's body, taking in the pretty sight.

"…It's certainly a pleasure to meet you, Kyuu-chan." Shuukaku smirked at the look of embarrassment on Kyuubi's face before he felt someone grab a hold of the back of his hair and yank, hard. He cursed, his back arching forcefully as his head was pulled back, his eyes watering slightly at the pain.

He opened his eyes slightly to see another teen with dark red eyes and long, black hair examining him with a mix of disgust and annoyance.

"What the hell?!" he managed when the grip on his hair tightened.

"I-Itachi?!" Kyuubi gasped, taking a small step forward to prevent any bloodshed.

"Since you're clearly new here, I'll be nice and skip the complementary reconstructive face surgery and give you a warning; Kyuubi is mine, I'm the only who gives him pet names, the only who stares at him the way you just dared to do. Any further questions can be answered by my fist." Itachi gritted out, voice dripping with a lethal poison.

The Uchiha released Shuukaku's hair, the teen slinking away, before walking over to a shocked Kyuubi (who'd never seen Itachi that angry…ever…), and wrapping his arms around Kyuubi's waist.

"Mornin' Love!" Itachi chirped, pecking Kyuubi on the cheek. As though he hadn't threatened to kill some random person.

_'The fuck?!_' Kyuubi thought as Itachi cuddling him "...You escaped from Counseling, again?" Kyuubi managed weakly.

"Only for you! Damn Zetsu, that bipolar, gardening freak!" Itachi blinked, noticing the design on Kakashi's paper. "…Are you wearing that, Kyuu-koi?" he asked in awe, staring at the paper, a grin creeping up his face.

"No! I refuse, it makes me look like a-"

"I like it!" Itachi glanced down at Kyuubi, imagining the red head in such attire. '_Oh yes…this play will be fun!_' he thought, eyeing Kyuubi hungrily.

Kyuubi sweatdropped at the look Itachi gave him. '_Think, think, think!_' he bit his lip. '_Ah, Christ! The only thing worse than a love-struck Itachi is a…!!_' Ah, can someone say 'Idea!'

"Well…" Kyuubi began "I would be wearing that during the whole play…"he sighed when Itachi nodded, arms still around his waist. "But I'm sure perverts like Shuukaku-kun and Madara-sensei would enjoy the sight of me as much-" he blinked when Itachi snatched the paper from a surprised Kakashi, yanking a lighter out of his pocket, before setting the sketch on fire.

"NO." Itachi glared darkly at a crying Kakashi, before relaxing slightly, glancing at the burning piece of paper on the tile floor. "…But if you want to make that dress, I'll buy it…" he added.

Kyuubi banged his head on the chalkboard…repeatedly.

* * *

"Damn you! Don't touch my Naru!" Sasuke hissed, piled underneath the junior varsity football team portion of their class, yet still managing to make some progress at trying to snap Sai's neck as the brunette measured Naruto..._everywhere_! And smiling creepily at that!

"Err…Sasuke…calm down..?" Naruto tried, jumping when Sai's brush against his crotch. "E-eep!"

"_**RAWR!!**_" Sasuke roared, jumping up, the junior varsity team scattering like marbles. The Uchiha lunged at Sai, and then went down on the ground in a storm of dust, rainbows, and upside-down pink triangles.(1)

Naruto watched as the two boys rolled around on the floor, punching and kicking, before Iruka yanked them apart.

"Boys!" the man cried, glaring at the two of them. "What are you doing?!"

"He. Touched. _My_. Blonde's. _**Crotch**_." Sasuke grit out, glaring at Sai, who smirked.

Iruka sighed. "Look Sasuke, I know how you feel about Naruto but-wait…**'crotch'**?!" he turned to glare at Sai darkly as well.

Sai smiled his creepy smile again, before he replied "Well, I can't help it if he has an adorable ass." At this Iruka and Sasuke stepped menacingly towards him "Through from what I felt he lacks even 'basic cable'."(2)

Before Iruka and Sasuke could move, Naruto pounced on the boy, shrieking "You perverted bastard! You're worse then Sasuke! Argh!" Sasuke pried Naruto of a bloody Sai, Iruka dialing 911.

"N-Naru! Calm down!" Sasuke dragged a pissed Naruto out of the classroom before hugging him "My poor uke!" Sasuke cooed in a tone Kushina would use when Naruto scraped his knee. "Don't worry! Sasuke will make sure to snap that perverted cosplayer's neck later, okay?"

Naruto huffed, for once, letting Sasuke hug him.

* * *

May: lol, the end of this chapter, obliviously, Madara, Shuukaku and Sai are out for Uke ass.

Also, this Saturday, I went to the Cherry Blossom festival in D.C. I saw 3 girls in kimonos, (only one was asian, damn you posers! (btw: May ish Korean)) and 4 people cosplaying as pokemon! Lol, there was pikachu, ampharos, and two others…i couln't figure out though, and my mom dragged me away.

1)One of the symbols of gay-dom

2) Lol, praise Dane Cook! Basic CableSmall kid's dick. Basically another way of saying; you lack penis.


	6. Memories and Cherry Blossoms

May: …okay…I could lie, saying things like 'my computer crashed! Writer's block! I have a life!' (the last one being the biggest lie) but the simple truth is…I'm lazy, seriously, my friends say that I look like Itachi but have a personality second only to Shikamaru (has brains, just doesn't feel like using them). Though recently because my hair's a lighter shade of brown, and I have blonde highlights, my friend's like "Holy Shi- Deidara and Tobi's offspring!"…so…yeah.

On another note. My birthday's coming up in under a month…for the slower ones, it's May 10th (duh) said date being suspiciously close to Kankuro's birthday (I think it's may 14th or something…earning me the other nickname 'Kanky' though I share this with my Kisame-chan) so I was wondering…fanart? Dedicated fanfics? Anything other than reviews to make me feel da love?! Anything?! Please! Also, if you have hotmail/MSN add me to your IM because even if you guys don't give me fanart or fanfics…please…I need company!

FYI: the author is a 14-year-old, only child with no fellow yaoi freaks in the nearby vicinity to talk to. She spends most of her time in home, on the computer, writing fanfics to please herself and others and chatting online with strangers. Both her parents are too busy for her, etc. etc.

And she is Korean, meaning, if you like Korean drama, imagine those damn convincing teary-scenes…she's Korean, she can pull those off…feel pity.

May: Also, my e-mail's on my profile page, if any of you wanna just e-mail me that chain-letter bullshit (cause I seriously love those) or other things like songs and such. Or just say hello, feel free! It makes me happy, and when May is pleased with her fans, she does things for them, like updating…XD

One more thing, yes it's annoying, I know…BUT! Manga readers! What did I say?! WHAT DID I SAY?! Oh yeah, nothing. But if your up-to-date with the online Japanese manga. Woo! Itachi-sama! I knew it! Lolz and Sasuke…guilt trip! XDD

Non-manga readers…confused? :P now, finally, onwards to the fanfic!

* * *

Previously:

"_Mornin' Love!" Itachi chirped, pecking Kyuubi on the cheek._

"_You escaped from Counseling, again?" Kyuubi managed weakly._

"_Only for you! Damn Zetsu, that bipolar, gardening freak!" Itachi blinked, noticing the design on Kakashi's paper. "…Are you wearing that, Kyuu-koi?" he asked in awe, staring at the paper, a grin creeping up his face._

"_No! I refuse, it makes me look like a-"_

"_I like it!" Itachi glanced down at Kyuubi, imagining the red head in such attire. 'Oh yes…this play will be fun!' he thought, eyeing Kyuubi hungrily._

_Kyuubi sweatdropped at the look Itachi gave him. 'Think, think, think!' he bit his lip. 'Ah, Christ! The only thing worse than a love-struck Itachi is a…!!' "Well…" he began "I would be wearing that during the whole play…"he sighed when Itachi nodded, arms still around his waist. "But I'm sure perverts like Shuukaku-kun and Madara-sensei would enjoy the sight of me as much-" he blinked when Itachi snatched the paper from a surprised Kakashi, yanking a lighter out of his pocket, before setting the sketch on fire._

"_NO." Itachi glared darkly at Kakashi, before relaxing slightly, glancing at the burning piece of paper on the tile floor. "…But if you want to make that dress, I'll buy it…" he added._

_Kyuubi banged his head on the chalkboard…repeatedly._

* * *

"_Damn you! Don't touch my Naru!" Sasuke hissed, piled underneath the junior varsity football team portion of their class, yet still managing to make some progress at trying to snap Sai's neck as the brunette measured Naruto...everywhere! And smiling creepily at that!_

"_Err…Sasuke…calm down..?" Naruto tried, jumping when Sai's brush against his crotch. "E-eep!"_

"_**RAWR!!**__" Sasuke roared, jumping up, the junior varsity team scattering like marbles. The Uchiha lunged at Sai, and then went down on the ground in a storm of dust, rainbows, and upside-down pink triangles.(1)_

_Naruto watched as the two boys rolled around on the floor, punching and kicking, before Iruka yanked them apart._

"_Boys!" the man cried, glaring at the two of them. "What are you doing?!"_

"_He. Touched. My. Blonde's. __**Crotch**__." Sasuke grit out, glaring at Sai, who smirked._

_Iruka sighed. "Look Sasuke, I know how you feel about Naruto but-wait…'__**crotch'**__?!" he turned to glare at Sai darkly as well._

_Sai smiled his creepy smile again, before he replied "Well, I can't help it if he has an adorable ass." And this Iruka and Sasuke stepped menacingly towards him "Through from what I felt he lacks even 'basic cable'."(2) _

_Before Iruka and Sasuke could move, Naruto pounced on the boy, shrieking "You perverted bastard! You're worse then Sasuke! Argh!" Sasuke pried Naruto off a bloody Sai, Iruka dialing 911._

"_N-Naru! Calm down!" Sasuke dragged a pissed Naruto out of the classroom before hugging "My poor uke!" Sasuke cooed in a tone Kushina would use when Naruto scraped his knee. "Don't worry! Sasuke will make sure to snap that perverted cosplayer's neck later, okay?_

_Naruto huffed, for once, letting Sasuke hug him._

* * *

Chapter 6: Memories

Madara shuffled the papers on his desk in boredom, huffing before sipping at his black coffee.

"I wish Kyuubi-kun was here to tease…" he muttered to himself, leaning back on his chair and staring up at the ceiling idly. "Damn shame all that experience with Itachi is making him more immune to my teasing…" he unconsciously pouted, smirking when he remembered the good old days, when one wink from him could make the red head sputter and blush.

Madara tilted his head to the side, contemplating.

Well, Kyuubi still did that, but when he was younger it was even more funny when he usually damaged something in the process of tripping, backing away, or sprinting away from Madara whenever the older man came onto him.

-Flashback no Justu!...Poof!-

Madara stared at the Sakura trees stretched out over the rim of the large lake of the Uchiha complex. He sighed.

Every year it was the same thing. The Uchiha clan invited everyone, _everyone_, to come and see the Sakura trees in bloom to prove, not only, their greatness in business and trade, but also in style and other forms of art the pictures, painting and other forms of art Sakura blossoms could be used for.

And everyone, everyone, wanted to meet the greatness that is him.

Uchiha Madara.

Official head of the Uchiha Clan.

Currently lying flat on his ass in a black kimono with not-so-white blossom silhouettes decorating it.

Not to mention he's lying on his ass at the time he's supposed to be making idle chit-chat with 'friends' and 'colleagues'.

Madara scowled, he was fucking 23 for Christ's sake! He should be out partying! Getting drunk and laid! Not attending some rich people snob party just to please some rich old hags that would croak soon enough.

He sat up when he heard the bushes behind him rustle. He blinked in surprise when a small boy stumbled through, gasping in surprise when he noticed Madara.

Shoulder-length, red hair framed a flushed face, holding matching eyes that shone like rubies in their innocence, three-whisker like scars cupped the boy's cheeks, still chubby with baby fat. He was dressed in a green kimono, the design showing a forest of sorts, with a small red fox dancing in the long grasses that bowed gracefully in the wind. The golden sash that held the robe was tied back into an elaborate bow, pinned together by silver ornaments. The boy, obliviously from a rich family, wore no sandals, much to the surprise of Madara, whose eyes drifted back to the barefoot fox on the boy's attire, before smiling.

"…Lost...?" He asked gently, not wanted the boy run off only to become even more lost in the giant complex.

"…Pretty…" was all the boy said. Madara chuckled, glancing behind him at the Sakura blossoms.

"Aren't they..?" Madara glanced back at the boy, only to see that the boy wasn't staring at the scenery, rather him. Madara sweatdropped. "Oh, um…what's your name..?" he asked awkwardly, beckoning the boy closer, giving him a small smile.

The boy blushed deeply, managing to sputter out "K-K-Kyuu-Kyuubi…" he quickly stepped forward, only to trip on the hem of his kimono. "Itai!" Kyuubi cried

Madara sweatdropped, standing up and walking over to the sniffling boy. "Hey, you okay?" he asked, helping the boy into a sitting position.

Kyuubi looked up at him, tears in his eyes. "It hurts…" he whimpered innocently.

Madara twitched, a problem growing, and growing fast '_This isn't what I meant by getting laid…_' he thought, mentally smacking himself for wanting to fuck a boy who couldn't be more than 13-years-old. "Ah…really? Where?" he asked dumbly.

"My knee…" Kyuubi replied, sitting back to examine the scratch on his knee.

Madara twitched again when the cloth of the kimono slid down Kyuubi's bent thigh. '_This kid's dangerous…_' he thought, taking a deep breath. '_Calm down, rape is a crime…_'

"Mister, do you have any bandages?" Kyuubi asked innocently. Madara took an even deeper breath before looking down into those big red eyes with such long eyelashes.

"No, I'm sorry…maybe you should head back to the compound, so you can have you mother help you…" Madara suggested, lifting a brow when Kyuubi's sniffling increased.

"I'm so-sorry…you don't l-like me? Am I annoying you?" Kyuubi whimpered, Madara sweatdropped. "Nobody loves me!" Kyuubi wailed burying his face in his hands. (A/N: Puberty…)

"Ah…No…" Madara replied, blinking when Kyuubi wobbled to his feet. "H-hey..!"

"I'm so-sorry mister…" Kyuubi bowed awkwardly, before turning around and beginning to limp away, only to trip again. "Itai!" Kyuubi wailed, crying pathetically. Madara hurried over and picked the crying red head up.

"H-Hey! Come on, guys don't cry like that!" he stated, trying to calm the boy down. Though, it only served to make Kyuubi cry even harder. "Ah! No, I didn't…" Madara stiffened when Kyuubi buried his face into his neck. "Um…okay, yeah, you do that…" he pat Kyuubi on the back awkwardly as he made his way back o the Uchiha compound.

He walked up to a familiar house, and smiled at the woman in the doorway.

"Hey there Mitoko-san!" he greeted, holding a sniffling Kyuubi in his arms. "I'm glad you didn't go to the festival yet."

Mitoko sighed, flipping back her long black hair and giving Madara a weary smile "Both my Itachi-chan and Sasuke-chan insist that if they go to the festival, they'll be 'chased down and mauled by fangirls'." She blinked in surprise when she noticed Kyuubi. "Aww…poor thing, why are you crying?" she cooed, stroking Kyuubi's hair gently. "Bring him in." she stated, going into the kitchen to get the first aid.

Kyuubi sniffled, letting Madara sit him down on the tatami mat in the living room.

"Stay…" Madara replied awkwardly, before sprinting after Mitoko.

"I really need to keep the meds out more, Sasuke's out tripping everywhere and such…" Mitoko glanced up from her digging for the first aid and looking at Madara "My, doesn't someone look hassled." She commented.

Madara nodded rapidly "Err…I think he thinks I hate him…" Mitoko lifted a brow at Madara's flushed face, before chucking the retrieved first aid kit at his head. "Ouch! What?" Madara whined.

"Uchiha Madara! Chasing after that _young_ _boy_, if I was your mother I'd-"

"KYAH!" a high-pitched voice squealed from the next room.

"Kyuubi?!" Madara spun around, running into the room. Only to finding the red head in a compromising position on none other than Uchiha Itachi's lap.

"A-Ah…" Kyuubi stuttered, beet red, trying to squirm off Itachi's lap, however the brunette had a good grip on his hips. "M-mister!" Kyuubi reached up at Madara, who immediately tugged him up, out of Itachi's grasp.

Itachi scowled, standing up and tugging on Kyuubi's kimono suggestively. "Back off, geezer." He snapped at Madara, frowning when Kyuubi pressed himself against Madara's body even more. "Kyuu-chan, why don't we go upstairs? I'll show you my…room…" Itachi cooed, tugging on Kyuubi's clothing once again, earning a smack upside the head from Mitoko.

"Itachi-chan! Such manners!" Mitoko returned her son's glare with a darker one. Itachi flinched, backing off.

"Kyuubi's ass (and everywhere else) shall be mine!" Itachi shouted, pumping a first in the air before running up the stairs back into his room, where a mini-base prepared to 'terminate all fangirls' sat with Sasuke inside it.

Madara sweatdropped, staring after the 13-year-old before looking at a distressed Kyuubi. "Uhh…he's not usually like that. Umm…isn't that right, Mitoko-san?" he turned to look at Mitoko who giggled.

"Aww, that's two Uchiha's Kyuubi-kun's got batting for him." She walked over and plucked Kyuubi out of Madara's arms. "Poor thing, let's clean this cut." Madara watched as Mitoko proceeded to clean Kyuubi's wound, the redhead starting to tear up again from the sting of the medication.

Madara glanced at the stairwell, before shrugging his shoulders and climbing up the stairs. He managed to avoid several traps that even included a small bomb. He stood in the doorway of Itachi's room, leaning against the frame.

"You need my blessing." He stated simply. Itachi and Sasuke's heads appeared from the top of the base built into a corner.

"Blessing?" Sasuke asked, turning to look at Itachi and frowned in confusion "What's a blessing, aniki?" Itachi ignored him for the moment and glared at Madara.

"Why do I need _your_ blessing? You're not his dad!" Itachi snapped. Madara chuckled lightly.

"Ah, but I _am_ Head of the Uchiha Clan, so if you want him to become your 'wife' and have marriage and the whole-nine-yards then you'll have to come and ask me." Madara smirked as Itachi's glare darkened. "Poor little Itachi-chan." He cooed, quickly stepping out before Itachi threw some sharp instrument in his direction.

Itachi scowled, lowering a wooden stake made out of a piece of wood Sasuke had found.

"Aniki! Save it for the those freaky fangirls!" Sasuke tugged on Itachi's arm. "Ano, but what is a blessing?" he asked, giving his brother his infamous 'Cheery Chibi Smiley Face, Version; Huh?'©.

"It's when the parents of the person you like say you can marry that person." Itachi replied, glancing at Sasuke "Why?"

"Hmm…does that mean I have to meet Naru's parents?" Sasuke asked aloud. Itachi sweatdropped.

* * *

Naruto felt a chill run up his spine despite the cool weather of the Uchiha Compound, he hugged Kyuu-Kyuu closer to his chest, jumping when someone pat him on top of his head.

"Nii-chan!" Naruto chirped, twirling around in his orange kimono with blue swirls. "Where were you?"

Kyuubi sweatdropped "Ah…no where important…" he replied awkwardly "Wanna go look at the koi-fish pond?" he asked.

"Yeah!"

"And guess what Naru?"

"What?"

"I just bagged myself _two_ Uchiha's with my Mad Q-Tee-PIE Skillz, yo."

"I'm sorry, nii-chan, I don't speak 'Gangsta'…if you wanna call it that.

"…Shut up…just, shush."

-Kai! Release! End Flashback-no-Jutsu!-

Madara jumped when a blonde-haired man scrambled in, followed quickly by a silver-haired masked man.

The blonde, who Madara recognized as Kyuubi's father looked over at him and smile sheepishly "Ah, yeah. I'm hiding from my wife." He explained. The gray-haired man, the costume designer for  Romeo and Juliet, chuckled.

"And I'm running away from that cute teacher cause I grabbed he got mad when I grabbed his ass." Minato turned and smacked Kakashi upside the head.

"Kakashi!" he scolded, waving a finger at his ex-student.

"What!? Did you see that tight thing! He has to be a virg-" Kakashi was cut off by another smack to the head, only much more violent and delivered by one pissed Iruka.

"Y-y-yo-you….." Iruka growled, voice trembling in rage as he hovered of Kakashi menacingly.

Minato sweatdropped, attempting to escape silently, only to bump into Kushina who scowled.

"Mina-kun?" she snapped.

"Ah, yes sweetie, who I love with every ounce of my being and have two lovely children with?" Minato replied, cringing.

"Why do you find you old student's antics so amusing when they including harassing our Naru-chan's teacher?!" Kushina's voice grew steadily in volume until she was screaming and shaking a dazed Minato by the collar.

Madara sweatdropped '_And I thought Mitoko was nuts…_' he thought, standing up slowly and dodging the flying bodies and managing to escape from his office unharmed.

He took a deep gulp of non-violent air in, and proceeded to stalk the grounds for his adorable Kyuubi-chan.

* * *

Kyuubi shuddered, rubbing his shoulders as he stood on the make-shift balcony prop for the R+J play. He tried to pick up what Itachi was babbling on about underneath him on the stage, that would be including spewing out riddled versions of Old English come-ons.

He sighed, glancing behind him nervously 'Why do I feel like I'm being watched..?'

"Kyuu-chan! Your line, dearest!" Itachi called up.

Kyuubi sweatdropped. "…You're having _fun_…you're actually having _fun_…" he stated blankly.

"Oh, sweet love! How my burning flesh desires to plunge deep within you!" 'Romeo' sing-sang up to the beet red 'Juliet'.

"That's not in the script, you perv!" Kyuubi screeched.

"It should be!"

* * *

May: O-O twelve pages long…wow. Yeah, so that's the past explanation chapter, with Itachi it was love/molest at first sight. Lolz Kyuu and Ita's meeting remind me on Romeo and Juliet's first meeting, XD. Kissy-kissy….-smooch, smooch-

And studies show that over then generations, weak, Unsuspecting Ukes have been able to evolve into more intelligent creatures to help avoid being hunted down by the Sadistic Semes. Thus obtaining a sixth sense for whenever their ass is in some sort of danger.

Kyuubi and Naruto are prime examples of this.

Yet the Sadistic Semes continue to capture the Unsuspecting Ukes with ease…how? Modern advances such as the Internet, allow Sadistic Semes to collect knowledge on capture techniques through the web by fanfictions and yaoi doujinshi.

Itachi and Sasuke are prime examples of these.

To leave further notes on this study, please REVIEW.


	7. Practice and Explanations

May: I'm updating this story! Lolz.

Shuukaku's fetish is my own fetish, I love the same kind of guys as him…-sweatdrop-

* * *

Previously:

_Madara jumped when a blonde-haired man scrambled in, followed quickly by a silver-haired masked man._

_The blonde, who Madara recognized as Kyuubi's father looked over at him and smile sheepishly "Ah, yeah. I'm hiding from my wife." He explained. The gray-haired man, the costume designer for __ Romeo and Juliet__, chuckled._

"_And I'm running away from that cute teacher cause he got mad when I grabbed his ass." Minato turned and smacked Kakashi upside the head._

"_Kakashi!" he scolded, waving a finger at his ex-student._

"_What!? Did you see that tight thing! He has to be a virg-" Kakashi was cut off by another smack to the head, only much more violent and delivered by one pissed Iruka._

"_Y-y-yo-you….." Iruka growled, voice trembling in rage as he hovered of Kakashi menacingly._

_Minato sweatdropped, attempting to escape silently, only to bump into Kushina who scowled._

"_Mina-kun?" she snapped._

"_Ah, yes sweetie, who I love with every ounce of my being and have two lovely children with?" Minato replied, cringing._

"_Why do you find you old student's antics so amusing when they including harassing our Naru-chan's teacher?!" Kushina's voice grew steadily in volume until she was screaming and shaking a dazed Minato by the collar._

_Madara sweatdropped 'And I thought Mitoko was nuts…' he thought, standing up slowly and dodging the flying bodies and managing to escape from his office unharmed._

_He took a deep gulp of non-violent air in, and proceeded to stalk the grounds for his adorable Kyuubi-chan._

* * *

_Kyuubi shuddered, rubbing his shoulders as he stood on the make-shift balcony prop for the R+J play. He tried to pick up what Itachi was babbling on about underneath him on the stage, that would be including spewing out riddled versions of Old English come-ons._

_He sighed, glancing behind him nervously 'Why do I feel like I'm being watched..?'_

"_Kyuu-chan! Your line, dearest!" Itachi called up._

_Kyuubi sweatdropped. "…You're having fun…you're actually having fun…" he stated blankly._

"_Oh, sweet love! How my burning flesh desires to plunge deep within you!" 'Romeo' sing-sang up to the beet red 'Juliet'._

"_That's not in the script, you perv!" Kyuubi screeched._

"_It should be!"_

* * *

Shuukaku was a born plotter. That was a fact, and a vast majority of the time he did things with his plots, like reek havoc on poor unsuspecting women.

I mean, women were worthless, all the world needed them for was reproduction! As far as Shuukaku was concerned, the only good women out there were gay, or supported being gay, or had wonderful hair. (note: the author is a chick)

Oh yes, long, silky hair that felt so soft to the touch. Hair that could only have been gifted to said women by the gods. And he'd found that hair in one of his own gender.

Kyuubi.

He almost had the red-haired beauty in his grasp too! Before that sleazy Uchiha came along. Not to say that the Uchiha's hair wasn't completely gorgeous, but Kyuubi had more of it.

Shuukaku sat in his room, on his bed with his back against his wall, contemplating.

"Oh, how to capture that beauty without the beast noticing?" he wondered aloud. He glanced over to his room door when it opened. "Ah? Gaara? What ever would my babiest brother want?" he asked, sitting up. Gaara scowled at him before walking over and standing in front of Shuukaku's bed.

They stared at each other for a while, at least until Gaara swallowed enough of his pride.

"I need your help…" Gaara muttered, Shuukaku lifted a brow. Gaara didn't need help with anything, after all, he was the most skilled in the family at making others 'disappear'.

"Help?"

"With this…person…" Gaara mumbled. Shuukaku could've sworn he was blushing.

"…For real? Is this a hit?" Shuukaku sweatdropped "Gaara, that's why we had to move to Kono-"

"It's not a hit, I want to bed this one, alright?!" Gaara snapped out, before realizing what he'd just said.

Shuukaku stared at Gaara in shock, before pulling the startled redhead into his arms.

"Shuu-"

"Oh, Gaara! I always knew you looked down the same path as your aniki! Come now!" Shuukaku released Gaara and grinned at the bewildered look the boy gave him. "So…what kind of hair does he have?!" Shuukaku asked excitedly.

Gaara, after calming down, smirked. "Two words nii-san." He replied.

"Bowl…"

Shuukaku's eyes widened fearfully. Oh, no…

"…cut."

* * *

Temari and Kankuro sat on their couch squealing over the 'Boys Gone Wild' channel.

"YOU FUCKING RETARD WHO WANTS TO FUCK A RETARD!!" Shuukaku's voice boomed. Both Temari and Kankuro jumped, staring in shock as Gaara sprinted out of Shuukaku's room seconds before Shuukaku himself, the blonde was waving around scissors. Temari and Kankuro ran for cover while Gaara snatched his hoody from the couch and ran to the hallway, snatching up his shoes and slamming open the door into Shuukaku's face, before deftly slipping out of the gap between the door and bolting down the street.

Shuukaku cursed, rubbing his swelling cheek, glaring after Gaara's rapidly retreating form. Damn Cross-country runners.

"And don't even thinking about coming back until you've found yourself a decent looking whore!" Shuukaku shouted, waving his scissors in the hair.

Temari and Kankuro took the opportunity to run up into their rooms.

Gaara wasn't going to be home for a while.

* * *

"Kyah!" Kyuubi squealed, pushing Itachi's face away for the eight time, scooting back on the slab meant for the final Tomb scene in Romeo and Juliet.

Itachi frowned, rubbing his abused cheek. "Kyuu-chan, I know you're embarrassed by this, but my kissing you is necessary for the play!" Kyuubi had vehemently refused to 'rehearse' the previous scenes that included Romeo and Juliet snogging, but at the final scene Itachi had icily stated they were to completely play out the scene (he was still upset that Kyuubi had smacked him for suggesting they practice their 'one and only night together' act to the fullest.)

Kyuubi blushed, biting his lip nervously. "I know…" he stated softly, looking away from Itachi's black face. The Uchiha currently having an inner struggle.

"…Fine. I apologize ahead of time." Itachi stated curtly, grabbing a startled Kyuubi be the shoulders and kissing him roughly.

"Mmm! MMPH!" Kyuubi tried to voice how completely wrong this was, despite the fact that Itachi's tongue was doing wonderful things to his mouth. Itachi pulled back slowly, grinning at the dazed look Kyuubi gave him.

"Now was that so bad?" he asked, Kyuubi stared at him numbly before the words took effect. Kyuubi abruptly smacked a startled Itachi across the face and ran of the stage crying.

Itachi stared after him in shock, before chasing after him.

"Koi!? Kyuu-chan! Kyuubi! Dammit, stop running!"

"Leave me along you sick bastard!" Kyuubi wailed, running into the costume closet, slamming the door shut after him and locking the door. Almost immediately he heard a series of bangs on the other side of the door.

"Kyuubi, let me in! I'm sorry, okay? Kyuu! Kyuubi?!" Itachi frantically listened for some sound from the other side of the door.

Kyuubi ignored the Uchiha, walking deeper into the room, racks upon racks of costumes and accessories filling the room. He sat down on a comfortable pile of clothes, covering his ears, trying to drown out Itachi's shouts. Everything was Itachi's fault, everything.

If Itachi didn't insist on him being Juliet.

If Itachi didn't try to molest Kyuubi every single second of every goddamn day.

If Itachi hadn't met him.

Kyuubi buried his face into his hands.

He was so exhausted...he didn't know he'd fallen unconscious as his body dropped down onto the pile of fabric beneath him.

* * *

Naruto nervously sat in the Principal's Office between and glowering Sasuke and grinning Sai.

Naruto's daddy, Minato glared at both of them, before sighing and looking at Naruto. "Naru-chan, tell daddy what happened…" he asked softly.

Naruto opened his mouth to respond but Sasuke, once again, cut him off.

"I told you!" Sasuke snapped, standing up and pointing a shaking finger at Sai, who smiled blankly. "That bastard molested your son! My property!" he didn't release his mistake until Minato slammed his hands down onto his desk, rising up.

"Sasuke-kun, as your Principal, I ask you don't curse in this facility. As the father of your "property" I'm telling you to get the fuck out of this room and wait in the hallway with the 'molesting bastard' over there before I toss your bodies into a jet plane engine." All this was said in a quiet, yet freaky as shit tone that made Sasuke and Sai run out of there faster than Speedy Gonzales, and that was one fast rat.

Naruto stared after them in shock, mainly at Sasuke's action. Didn't the bastard say he loved him?! Who leaves their love with a psychopath?! He gulped, turning to look at father who was swallowing some aspirin.

"…Okay, Naru. Seriously, tell me…" Minato sat down, smiling at his son tiredly. Naruto sighed.

"Sai touched me between me legs and Sasuke and him fought, then Iruka-sensei was about to join in but them Sai made fun of my…thing, and I sorta beat the living crap outta him." Minato sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Naru, as your principal, I'll remind you that there are other ways to solve issues like these. As your daddy, I congratulate you and am inviting you to join Kyuubi and myself on taking out that perverted bastard." Naruto sweatdropped.

"Kyuu-nii knows?" he asked warily, listening for gunshots in the hallway.

"He's gonna know…" Minato grinned creepily.

Both the blondes glanced up as Shinzune, the assistant school nurse burst into the room.

"Minato-san! Kyuubi-kun passed out!" Minato stood at attention immediately.

"Where?!" he snapped. Shinzune flinched at the cold tone in the usually warm-hearted man's voice.

"He's in Tsunade-sama's office, she says it's nothing hospital worthy…" she added quickly as Minato thundered past her, Naruto running behind him.

Itachi glanced up when Minato slammed his way into the nurse's office. In a flash Minato had Itachi's collar in his fist and his face in the Uchiha's startled one.

"You. Stalker. Spill. Now." Minato ordered icily. Itachi paled slightly, balancing on the tips of his toes.

"Kyuubi got all emotional and locked himself in the costume closet and passed out, Tsunade-sensei says it's because of fatigue." He replied. Minato released him walking over to the bed where Kyuubi was sleeping peacefully on his side. He stroked the red hair the boy got from his beautiful mother and sighed in relief.

"Let him nap here…and you." Minato turned to Itachi, who flinched. "You're coming with me to explain with Kyuubi's been so tired…" he stated ominously. Naruto trotted past them, sitting down next to Kyuubi and studying his brother's sleeping face. Sasuke wandered over next to him, placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"Hey…wanna stay here?" the brunette asked. Naruto nodded quietly. Sasuke sighed. "Fine, I'll give you the class notes later, okay?"

"'Kay…" Naruto replied softly, pulling Kyuubi's blanket up over his shoulder. Sasuke glanced at the blonde's blank face before turning to leave.

* * *

May: lolz, no. Kyuubi's not dying, contracted a rare disease or anything of the sort. He's just sleepy. I swear, after a day at school I literally collapsed onto my bed and slept for 6 hours straight, did the same thing the next day. We all need a little naptime, folks.

**REVIEW!**


	8. Dream and Roses

May: Updating, cause x-EliteAssassin-x asked me too. Tis an IM buddy…XD see the benefits?! This chappie has just been dedicated. Lolz. Also…SCHOOL'S OUT! NO WAKING UP EARLY! MORE FANFIC UPDATES!...wait, what was that last one…? YESHUM!

The beginning of the chappie (and most of it) is SasoDei, cause I luvs them as a side pairing!

* * *

Previously:

"_Kyuubi got all emotional and locked himself in the costume closet and passed out, Tsunade-sensei says it's because of fatigue." He replied. Minato released him walking over to the bed where Kyuubi was sleeping peacefully on his side. He stroked the red hair the boy got from his beautiful mother and sighed in relief._

"_Let him nap here…and you." Minato turned to Itachi, who flinched. "You're coming with me to explain with Kyuubi's been so tired…" he stated ominously. Naruto trotted past them, sitting down next to Kyuubi and studying his brother's sleeping face. Sasuke wandered over next to him, placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder._

"_Hey…wanna stay here?" the brunette asked. Naruto nodded quietly. Sasuke sighed. "Fine, I'll give you the class notes later, okay?"_

"'_Kay…" Naruto replied softly, pulling Kyuubi's blanket up over his shoulder. Sasuke glanced at the blonde's blank face before turning to leave._

* * *

Deidara and Sasori sat, and watched, and watched, and watched…did I mention sitting while they were at it?

"Hey…Sasori-danna? What do you think is going on in there? Hm?" Deidara asked, pointing a purple nail at the Principal's Office… which Itachi happened to disappear into with Kushina and Minato more than half an hour earlier.

"Well, I'd say torture, but there's no noise. Not a sound, weird…" Sasori replied, his attention not even focused on the door as he played with the fine strands of Deidara's hair.

Sasori was sitting in one of the chairs, waiting to speak with the Principal. Having been the one to show the medics to Iruka's classroom, he'd been stuck with writing a proper report by Minato himself. Deidara was currently straddling him, having refused to leave his 'Smexy Danna' for something as stupid as Gym class, hell, their workout, as the Akatsuki Anti-rape Squad, was catching those fast as hell Uchihas and having to knock them out on certain occasions, known as their "You'll never take me alive coppers!" Mode. It was annoying as hell.

"Hmmm…maybe Naru-chan's daddy has a secret passage and they're torturing him at their house..? Yeah?" Deidara hypothesized. The partners/couple stared at each other for a moment. "I wanna see! Un!"

"Me too…" Sasori admitted, standing up.

"Kyah!" Deidara's legs wrapped around Sasori's waist, arms locking around his neck. "Jerk! Warn me before you do that! Yeah?! Do you _know_ how much my ass hurts because of you? Huh?"

"In fact, my Dei-koi, I do…" Sasori replied smugly, gripping his blonde's waist to help him steady himself. "Now, enough fan service for the secretaries, they're unconscious…" he pointed a finger at the two women lying in a pool of blood on the ground, one have medium length brown hair and glasses, the other had long, purple shoulder length hair with an emo fringe. Both, however, had a distinctive trail of blood coming from their noses and they both, despite being unconscious, were smiling…creepy.

Deidara shook his head. "Why does everything that witnesses our love-making die?! Hnn?!" he wailed. Sasori sweatdropped.

"…whatever." Sasori muttered, walking towards the door, Deidara still clinging to him like a leech. "…Would you kindly un-stick yourself from my body?" he asked. Deidara grinned cheekily at him.

"Nope! Un!" Deidara replied, gripping the red head even tighter. Sasori rolled his eyes, opening the door. The sight that met his eyes scared him.

"Aw! Kyuu-chan was adorable when he was a chibi!" Itachi cooed, hovering over an old photo album. Minato and Kushina, on either side of him nodded enthusiastically.

"I know!" Kushina squealed, jumping up and down in excitement. Minato put a hand on Itachi's shoulder and gave him a fatherly look.

"Make sure to make my son an honest man, Itachi." He stated, patting the brunette on the back.

"Of course!"

Deidara and Sasori stared in shock, Deidara even loosened his grip so much he fell onto the floor. Sasori studied them before walking over Deidara and studying Kyuubi's baby pictures.

"…Deidara." Sasori murmured. Deidara stared as the group of four people turned to look at him, suddenly the room seemed way too dark and there was a creepy glint in everyone's eyes. "Kyuubi's prettier than you…" Sasori smirked. Deidara stared at him in shock before screaming.

"Dei-koi?! Dei koi?! Wake up!" Deidara snapped awake, sitting up straight in his chair.

"Ah?! Where am I?! Huh?!" Deidara looked around wildly. He relaxed when he saw he was the art room, several students were watching him curiously.

"Dei-koi?" The blonde turned to see Sasori studying him worriedly, crafting knife and block of wood forgotten on the art tables in favor of fretting over his lover. "Nightmare?" he asked, stroking Deidara's pale cheek. Deidara didn't respond, he swiftly grabbed Sasori by the cheeks with his dry, clay-coated hands, and gave him a big smooch.

Several students turned away, blushing, while several more female students stared in delight. Hell, art class with a show!

When Deidara pulled but Sasori gave him his infamous 'What, do you wanna go to the boy's bathroom again?" (1) look.

"…Something wrong?" Sasori asked, lifting a brow. Deidara released his cheeks.

"I had a dream that Itachi, and Kyuubi's parents were looking over baby pictures of Kyuubi and Kyuubi's parents _approved_ of Itachi. As in 'I give you my blessing' style! Hn!" he stated, sweatdropping when he saw the clay hand prints on Sasori's cheeks.

The red head stared at Deidara in shock. "…What did I tell you about inhaling paint fumes-"

"You also said Kyuubi was prettier than me…yeah…" Deidara muttered. Immediately the entire female portion (and a few boys) rushed to Deidara's aid.

"**WHHAAAAATTTT?!** SASORI…" said red head sweatdropped when about twenty dirty looks were directed his way.

"I-I didn't!" '_You damn freaky bitches!_' Inner Sasori shrieked, climbing into a giant puppet.

"Ah! I had a bad dream…" Deidara stated quickly, saving his bishie's precious genitals. Several students 'hmm'ed, before turning back to Sasori, who flinched.

"Comfort. NOW!" The fangirls ordered. Sasori felt sweat run down his back.

"…I can't comfort when you're right there!" he protested, several more people gave him dirty looks before the group slinked away.

"Ah! It's fine Sasori-danna…umm…" Deidara muttered awkwardly. Sasori studied him for a moment.

"Do you seriously think I'd lie to you?" Deidara looked at the red head in confusion.

"…Ah..?" Deidara replied. Sasori leaned so close their noses were brushing.

"Do you think…I'd lie to you by saying Kyuubi was prettier?" Sasori asked, tilting his head so his lips barely rubbed against Deidara's. Several muffled squeals went through the room.

"Ah?! Ah…" Deidara stuttered, his face as red as a stop sign, all he could see was Sasori's face, Sasori's sexy, very hot and handsome face. "…no?" he tried. Sasori smirked sexily.

"Deidara, to me, you're a priceless work of art…" he stated, before crashing his lips onto the startled blonde's. The fangirls squealed loudly as Sasori shoved Deidara onto to the ground, prepared to prove his adoration of his blonde…with psychical evidence of course…

* * *

Later, while a grumbling Deidara was sitting in a health office bed when a bag of ice placed smartly on his ass, Sasori was being nagged at by the Akatsuki leader, Pein.

Pein sighed, running a hand through his auburn hair, his many piercings glinting in the light of an empty classroom. His gray, ringed eyes studied Sasori.

"Look…" he muttered "This is the same reason why we had to let Itachi go! The Akatsuki disciplinary committee, aka 'Anti-Uke Rape Squad' as you and the others put it, can't have sex in a classroom full of people! We're breaking our own code!" he sighed.

"…That wasn't rape, it was consented sex!" Sasori defended. Pein lifted a brow.

"Oh really?" he retorted. Sasori snorted.

"Ask the witnesses, better yet, I think one of them had a video camera…"

"…just get out, leave. Before I stuff that armband down your throat…"

* * *

Kyuubi groaned slightly, shifting slightly before his eyes slid open.

"Kyuu-nii!" Naruto chirped. Kyuubi blinked in surprise.

"Hmm…? Naru?" he sat up on the health room bed "What are you- the hell?!" He stared at the bedside table of the health room.

On the table were 4 dozens of roses in 4 vases (that's a big bedside table). Each dozen a different color; Purple, Burgundy, Orange and Pink.

…What happened to red..?

"Itachi brought them in, aren't they pretty?!" Naruto chirped. "He said roses have different meaning for each color!...But, all I know is red, which means love, but Itachi loves Kyuu-nii, right? So why aren't there any red roses? And what do the other colors mean?"

Kyuubi blushed, muttering something under his breath.

"Huh?" Naruto leaned closer to his brother.

"Purple…means Protection, Burgundy is Beauty, Orange is…ah, crap, what was it? Oh yeah, enthusiasm and desire-wait, what?!- ah, man…oh yeah, Pink…grace, elegance, and also feelings of love and friendship, only more gentle…" Kyuubi nodded. "Yeah, that's right…" he muttered, before the meaning of Itachi's 'message' hit him and his face dyed a deep crimson that even his hair couldn't keep up with.

"Wow! That's awesome Kyuu-nii! How do you know that?" Naruto asked, leaning in close, if he had a tail, it would have been wagging.

"I had an assignment on it during science class a while back…Itachi was my partner…" Kyuubi added, rubbing his cheeks, trying to get rid of the blush.

Naruto grinned cheekily "Kyuu-nii loves flowers…he's like a girl!" he giggled "Ah! Wait! If the meaning is right then…Itachi's gonna protect beautiful Kyuu-nii...enthusiastically? Then what about pink?" Naruto wondered. Kyuubi rolled his eyes.

"Really, Naruto, we're gonna have a crash course on flowers, I'll invite that Ino girl…" Naruto pouted.

"Oh yeah? Then what's Itachi saying?!" he retorted. Kyuubi sighed, blush still in place.

"He's going to protect beautiful me enthusiastically from his desire and instead is going to give me feelings of gentle love and friendship…"

"…Huh?"

"He's going back off…a little…" Kyuubi clarified. Naruto's mouth formed a small 'o' in recognition.

"That's good! Then Kyuu-nii won't faint! He must really be worried, huh?" Naruto grinned. Kyuubi looked away.

"Yeah, I suppose…" he muttered, scratching his head, blush still in place.

Unbeknownst to the two brothers, Deidara was, still, receiving medical treatment via icepack behind the curtain of the bed next to them. Deidara grinned to himself.

"…My, my…" he muttered lowly "Kyuubi seems wooed…" he snickered.

* * *

May: There you go! Next chapter! Cinderella, I promise! Lolz. Also, the secretaries are myself (glasses) and x-EliteAssassin-x

1) Seriously, if you don't know this...it means go 'take care of the _other_ business, in the bathroom

Review or the PUPPIES'll go this time! Lolz.


	9. Threats and Recorders

May: Okay, I lied. Cinderella isn't in this chapter, just a prep of it, lolz. Though you all don't care cause you'd want a story this awesome to go on forever!...right? XD

Ah…this author's quote is too short…I know! Name the movie where this quote is used! (first person gets a one-shot…)

"You idiot! I'm not dead! I'm merely…in peace…" Ah the best part of said mystery movie btw.

* * *

Previously:

"_Purple…means Protection, Burgundy is Beauty, Orange is…ah, crap, what was it? Oh yeah, __enthusiasm and desire-wait, what?!- ah, man…oh yeah, Pink…grace, elegance, and also feelings of love and friendship, only more gentle…" Kyuubi nodded. "Yeah, that's right…" he muttered, before the meaning of Itachi's 'message' hit him and his face dyed a deep crimson that even his hair couldn't keep up with._

"_Wow! That's awesome Kyuu-nii! How do you know that?" Naruto asked, leaning in close, if he had a tail, it would have been wagging._

"_I had an assignment on it during science class a while back…Itachi was my partner…" Kyuubi added, rubbing his cheeks, trying to get rid of the blush._

_Naruto grinned cheekily "Kyuu-nii loves flowers…he's like a girl!" he giggled "Ah! Wait! If the meaning is right then…Itachi's gonna protect beautiful Kyuu-nii...enthusiastically? Then what about pink?" Naruto wondered. Kyuubi rolled his eyes._

"_Really, Naruto, we're gonna have a crash course on flowers, I'll invite that Ino girl…" Naruto pouted._

"_Oh yeah? Then what's Itachi saying?!" he retorted. Kyuubi sighed, blush still in place._

"_He's going to protect beautiful me enthusiastically from his desire and instead is going to give me feelings of gentle love and friendship…"_

"…_Huh?"_

"_He's going back off…a little…" Kyuubi clarified. Naruto's mouth formed a small 'o' in recognition._

"_That's good! Then Kyuu-nii won't faint! He must really be worried, huh?" Naruto grinned. Kyuubi looked away._

"_Yeah, I suppose…" he muttered, scratching his head._

_Unbeknownst to the two brothers, Deidara was, still, receiving medical treatment via icepack. Deidara grinned to himself._

"…_My, my…" he muttered lowly "Kyuubi seems wooed…" he snickered._

* * *

Itachi leaned against the back alley way in a very dark area, dressed in really dark clothing. He glanced up when he heard a can rattling and several curses.

"Dammit! Why couldn't we just have met in a café?" a female voice snapped irritably. Itachi lifted a brow.

"Despite being several years older than me, I don't want to be mistaken as your 'special buddy' or anything…got me?"

The woman, her face covered by a black hoody sighed.

"Of course, you got the shit?" she asked, holding out a gloved hand. Itachi nodded handing her an envelope. The woman peeked inside before smirking. "Pleasure doing business…" she muttered.

Itachi glared at her. "Don't forget your half of the deal." He warned.

"Yeah, yeah, the script's almost done with the "revisions", see you soon, Romeo."

"Of course, Director."

* * *

"Sasuke! Lemme go!" Naruto whined, trying to yank himself free of Sasuke's grip on his wrists. Sasuke smiled.

"But Naru-chan, we're supposed to dance together! Or did you forget that Cinderella-chan?" the 'Prince' wondered aloud, hugging the blonde to his chest.

"But this isn't the waltz! Stop that! I'm telling Mommy!" he wailed. Sasuke immediately tensed, remembering the interaction that happened off-screen last chapter…

-Flashback!-

Both Sasuke and Itachi were tied to two separate, hard, straight-backed chairs in a dimly lit room, both the Uchiha's were very, very scared.

Minato and Kushina stood in front of them. Both dressed in black.

Did I mention black was a good color to hide bloodstains on?

"Boys, boys, boys…" Kushina sighed, rolling up the sleeves of her black blouse. "I'm so disappointed…" Sasuke and Itachi felt like crying.

'_Dammit! I don't wanna die a virgin!_' Sasuke thought, eyeing Kushina's slow, pacing hands.

'_Dammit! I don't wanna die without screwing Kyuubi!_' Itachi thought frantically, trying to break free of his bonds.

"Both of you, while I was overseas, have repeatedly ignored my warning about 'taking things slow' with my babies, in fact, the report stack from Akatsuki was several inches thick…" Kushina calmly removed her wedding ring and gave it to Minato.

"Tsk" she cracked the knuckles of one hand rather loudly "Tsk" then the other. "…oh well…" she smiled sweetly at the terrified brunettes. "Class is in session…"

-End the extremely freaky Flashback-

'_You know there's trouble when you're on the wrong side of a woman who doesn't leave marks…_' Sasuke gulped, pulling away from a surprised Naruto.

"O-oh, the waltz? Of course, Naru-koi!" Sasuke quickly took Naruto's hands in his own. "Want me to teach you?"

Somewhere, Kushina and Minato smiled at each other for the hell of it.

"Um…sure?" Naruto replied, annoyed Sasuke was actually keeping his distance. Not that he'd admit missing the affectionate, bordering on rapistic Uchiha, nope, no way. In hell!

"Okay, one, two, three, one two thr-"

"Sasuke? You know how to waltz?" Naruto asked, pausing in their dancing.

"Ah…sure..?" '_Nope! No way in hell!_' Inner Sasuke cheered.

"…well okay."

* * *

Kyuubi glanced around, blinking when he saw Deidara and Sasori, he immediately walked over.

"Um…guys? Is Itachi absent? I haven't seen him all day…" Kyuubi muttered nervously. Deidara lifted a brow.

"Huh? He's here, you didn't know? Un? Well, except for next period, the two of you have completely different schedules, yeah…" he muttered. Kyuubi stared at him in surprise.

"Seriously?" Kyuubi couldn't think of a day when Itachi hadn't walked him to and from class, in fact, he could've sworn they had the exact same schedule!

…the fuck?

Sasori snorted "Why, is lover boy ignoring you?"

"…" It was Deidara and Sasori's turn to stare.

"Seriously? Yeah?" Deidara asked, shocked. "What, did you refuse to blow him? Huh?" Kyuubi blushed deeply while Sasori rolled his eyes.

"That wouldn't stop him anyway…Kyuubi, does this have to do with you passing out the other day?" Sasori asked.

"Passing out?! Huh?!" Deidara looked wildly back and forth from Sasori and Kyuubi. "Did Itachi do that?! Huh?! Is that what the roses were for?! Yeah?!" Sasori looked at Deidara.

"Roses?" he looked at Kyuubi, who was still blushing. "What roses..?"

There was no way in hell Kyuubi would admit those roses were being spoiled with water and sunlight in his room. No way. In hell!

"Oh…those? I-I…um, bye!" he waved at a startled Sasori and Deidara before turning tail and running away.

"Hey! What's this about roses?!" Sasori called before sighing and looking at Deidara expectantly.

The blonde sighed "Well, un, after that romp on that hard ass art room floor, I overheard…"

* * *

Kyuubi walked briskly down the school hallway, searching for a certain Uchiha. His eyes narrowed when they caught sight of a tell-tale spot of perfect, silky (and a whole lot of other complementing adjectives) black hair. He walked up to the perfect, silky (etc. etc.) hair in a ponytail and gave it a hard tug.

"Itachi!" Said Uchiha grunted, turning around once his hair was released.

"Kyuubi-san?"

"'San'?! '**San**'?! The hell?!" Kyuubi whined, grabbing Itachi's shirt with both hands and giving him a firm shake. "_I'm_ the one who passed out the other day!" he snapped.

Itachi lifted a brow, before sighing and slipping a hand into his pants pocket. "I'm well aware, Kyuubi-san" Said red head's eye twitched "So to prevent you from tiring out due to overexposure to…me, apparently, I've decided to get you some space…"

A loud gasp was heard from the large circle that had formed when Kyuubi, the Chased, was seen chasing Itachi, the Chaser.(lolz, Quidditch)

"Jerk! Space doesn't mean you ignore me completely!" Kyuubi huffed, crossing his arms and pouting cutely. Itachi blinked.

"...Am I hearing that you wish for my to return to my usual self?" he asked blankly.

"Yes! This, this, "it" you're acting like is so creepy!...wait, "usual"- fuck, no!" Kyuubi shrieked.

Itachi smiled his traditional Uchiha smile, the one that cause Kyuubi to get the sudden urge to run. Pulling out a sleek, top-of-the-line, audio recorder out of his pocket, he calmly pressed the play button.

"…_Am I hearing that you wish for my to return to my usual self?" _

"_Yes! This, this, "it" you're acting like is so creepy-" _the tape abruptly cut off.

Kyuubi paled and the circle 'oooh'ed. Itachi grinned coyly at Kyuubi.

"I'll just have this thing on me when your parents attempt to beat me to a bloody shit again…minus the bloody…" he added, shuddering slightly. Kyuubi sweatdropped.

'_Ah…mother dearest, ever the Bodyguard…_' he thought, backing away slightly as a familiar glint appeared in Itachi's eyes. '_Ah…normality…but still…_'

"DON'T TOUCH ME YOU PERV!!" Kyuubi wailed, sprinting down the hall, Itachi in fast pursuit.

* * *

Sasuke growled lowly, at a distance, as Sai measured Naruto's feet.

"…I don't think I should be wearing actual glass slippers…" Naruto murmured nervously. Sai snorted.

"Of course not, the slippers will be made out of really clear, shiny plastic, don't want these gorgeous feet to feel pain, right?" Sai kissed Naruto's ankle gently.

Sasuke's growling only served to grow louder, while Naruto's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

Suddenly, the Pink Panther Theme played out. Everyone turned to stare at Sasuke, who sighed, taking out his cell phone and flipping it open and placing it at his ear.

"Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto's future husband-"

"-Hey-"

"-and murder of Sai-"

"-Try me-"

"-what do you want?" he finished, eyeing an eye out for his blonde.

"_Little brother, the audio recorder plan worked."_ A breathless Itachi breathed into the phone.

Sasuke blinked, before a sly smirk slid onto his face, reaching into his pocket, he brought out a recorder similar to that of his brother's.

"Oh really?" he asked, turning to look at Naruto and Sai, frowning slightly.

"_Ye-"_

"_Myah! Don't touch that!"_ Kyuubi's voice sounded shrilly. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"_It does…" _Itachi stated firmly.

"Thank you, nii-san, you really are a genius."

"_Cut the crap and get lai-"_

"_Uchiha __**fucking**__ Itachi! This is the __**fucking **__Akatsuki Uke Anti-Rape __**fucking**__ Squad! You're __**fucking **__hereby __**fucking**__ ordered to __**fucking**__ stop trying to __**fucking**__ bed __**fucking **__Uzumaki__** fucking**__ Kyuubi for __**fucking**__ Jashin's sake, dammit, you fucker!" Sasuke sweatdropped._

"_Shit, gotta go! Right back at you, you masochistic son of a-"_ the call abruptly ended.

Sasuke sweatdropped, closing his phone before turning his attention back to Naruto and Sai, grinning slyly, he walked back over and sat down next to Naruto.

* * *

May: lolz, guess who caught Itachi this time? XDDD and yes, I bolded 'fucking' because I know that's everyone's favorite word…or at least in the top 10, XD.

also, inflicting pains without marks, trust me, it's possible, i shouls know, my mother is a pro at it...

anyway.

1) form a fist

2) make your first joint of the middle finger (from the knuckle) point out like a bump, or something like that.

3) Brace hand and gently apply to target's body (no punching or force what-so-ever, just like a tap)

4) Now that your bump is in contact, apply hell's pressure, just don't remove the hand.

5) redness may appear, but no bruises (as far as i've seen -.-;;;)

**REVIEW!**


	10. Cinderella and Flying Objects

May: I'M ALIVE!!!! AND MICROSOFT IS WORKING AGAIN!!!!! *dances around merrily* It's been more than a year since I've been able to update my second most popular story, so I am doing so! Mayday is third or fourth on my list because I want to catch up on other stories.

But never fear, beloved fangirls, this long period of absence has been spent studying and improving my writing skills! As such, I will deliver you better than ever work! YAY ME!

And thanks to my mysterious emailer, who's fanfiction username I forget, and ham'n'nammers for helping me with my microsoft problem, AND telling my readers that I'm not dead. Thank you, you two will receive a one-shot! Maybe even one each, but not until I update my stories, haha.

* * *

Previously:

_"Little brother, the audio recorder plan worked."A breathless Itachi breathed into the phone._

_Sasuke blinked, before a sly smirk slid onto his face, reaching into his pocket, he brought out a recorder similar to that of his brother's._

_"Oh really?" he asked, turning to look at Naruto and Sai, frowning slightly._

_"Ye-"_

_"Myah~! Don't touch that!"Kyuubi's voice sounded shrilly. Sasuke rolled his eyes._

_"It does…" Itachi stated firmly._

_"Thank you, nii-san, you really are a genius."_

_"Cut the crap and get lai-"_

_"Uchiha **fucking**Itachi! This is the **fucking **Akatsuki Uke Anti-Rape **fucking** Squad! You're **fucking **hereby **fucking** ordered to **fucking** stop trying to **fucking** bed **fucking **Uzumaki** fucking**Kyuubi for **fucking** Jashin's sake, dammit, you fucker!" Sasuke sweatdropped._

_"Shit, gotta go! Right back at you, you masochistic son of a-" the call abruptly ended._

_Sasuke sweatdropped, closing his phone before turning his attention back to Naruto and Sai, grinning slyly, he walked back over and sat down next to Naruto._

* * *

"Kyuu-koi!" Itachi greeted, catching his lover from behind. "Need help with your costume?" he asked, stepping back and showing his own costume, a deep blue, form-fitting long-sleeved shirt with dark skinny jeans underneath.

It has been a class-wide vote that tights were not going to be used in this play.

Kyuubi shook his head, still dressed like a modern person in a baggy shirt and jeans. "The dresses are too stuffy, I'm putting them on right before the play, I want to see Naru-chan as Cinderella!" Kyuubi looked delighted. "Director Anko said that she made minor adjustments to the script because the two leads are male, but I'm sure it'll still be fun!" he smiled cheerfully, eeping when Itachi pulled him closer, cooing.

"You're so lovely! My dear, when our one night together scene occurs we sho--"

"NO."

* * *

Kushina and Mitoko both giggled, sitting in the front row seats with their husbands on either side, manning the video cameras.

"Oh, my Naru-chan'll look so lovely!"

"I can't believe Sasuke landed the lead!"

The room immediately hushed as a student dressed in a Victorian age outfit stepped onto the side of the stage, microphone in hand.

The student gave everyone a cool look before…

"YOSH! HOW'S EVERYONE TODAY?! MY NAME IS ROCK LEE AND I'LL BE GLAD TO TELL YOU THE AMAZING STORY OF _CINDERELLA_!!" Rock Lee announced loudly, pumping a fist into the air, not even using said microphone.

There was a subtle 'Go Lee!' in the crowd.

"THANK YOU, GAI-SENSEI!" Lee was now crying as he hurriedly returned to the play script.

Shuukaku, looking quite green, gave Gaara a horrified look. "…You want to tap _that_?" he asked incredulously. Gaara smirked.

"He grows on you." he replied easily.

"NOW! ONTO _CINDERELLA_!" Rock Lee clearly his throat before returning to a normal volume level. "_Cinderella lived in a house with her evil stepmother and two stepsisters, she cleaned, cooked and tended to the garden like any other servant while her family lived luxuriously._"

There was a chorus of cheers as Naruto walked onto the stage, wearing hair extensions that made his hair go down to his back. The hair was in a bun, and he was dressed in a patched tan colored dress and a raggedy apron. The blondewas cheerfully sweeping the stage floor, humming.

_"Despite this Cinderella was always cheerful and kind to everyone she knew."_

"Oh, what a wonderful day it is!" Narutochirped, pausing in his sweeping to look outside the painted window background to the sunny afternoon.

"Cinderella! Are our dresses done yet!?" An older teen, dressed in a fancy, sapphire blue dress with a heap of white lace along the sleeves walked in, fanning herself with an ornate fan. Two other girls dressed in green and red dressed with black lace followed, looking amused.

_"Sakura, you look lovely!"_ Lee announced, flashing the green-dressed 'Stepsister' a bright smile.

"Shut up Lee and read the script!" TenTen yelled, flinging her fan at Lee, hitting him square in the forehead with expert aim.

Neji stared blankly from his post in the crowd, video camera in hand as Gai jumped up from the seat next him, yelling. "GO TENTEN! SHOW HER, LEE!"

_"I-Itai, err, Cinderella's stepmother and stepsisters were going to attend a royal ball that night, where Prince Sasuke, heir to the throne, would pick his next bride."_ Lee announced, rubbing his forehead.

Gaara almost made it to the stage, murder in his eyes as he glared at TenTen, before Shuukaku, Kankuro and Temari managed to tackle him to the ground.

"Cinderella!" TenTen's voice was sharp. "Are our dresses done or not?!" she demanded, hands on her hips.

Naruto smiled sweetly at the trip of girls. "Yes, Stepmother, they are!" he replied cheerfully. "I hope you all like them!"

Sakura and Ino, the two stepsisters, shook their heads. "I can't take it! He's too cute!" they screamed in unison, all but tackling Naruto to the floor, squeezing him tightly. "So adorable! Kawaii!"

Sasuke, half dressed as Prince Charming, managed to get halfway onto the stage to rescue his uke before he was dragged off by the junior varsity football team, currently dressed as palace guards.

TenTen, borrowed from the upperclassmen specifically for times such as this, dragged Sakura and Ino off a wheezing Naruto before heading for stage right.

"I would hope so! We'll be gone the entire evening, you'll stay here and watch the house!" she stated, nearly taking it back when Naruto gave her a hurt look. "Goodnight!" she intoned, dragging Sakura and Ino off the stage.

_"Cinderella was very upset she couldn't attend the ball and meet this Prince Charming."_

"MY LOVE!" Sasuke's yell echoed in the theater. Naruto ignored this, setting his broom against the wall as he wandered across the stage to the makeshift garden. "Ooh…how I wish I could go and meet this Prince Charming, just to see his face!"

Sasuke, currently bound up in duct tape with a piece of duct tape over his mouth, bag-wormed his way onto the stage, heading for Naruto until the football team grabbed him once again.

Naruto blinked as he was showered with glitter and a busty woman appeared before him.

_"Suddenly, a woman with wings and a star-shaped wand appeared!"_Lee announced, throwing glitter at Naruto.

"Wh…Who are you?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

Tsunade gave him a long look, before smiling. "I am your Fairy Godmother." she replied, lifting a brow when Sasuke attempted to enter the stage once again. In an expertly subtle motion that TenTen would bow to, she calmly flung her wand, hitting Sasuke, effectively knocking him out so the football team, looking quite harassed at this point, dragged him off again.

There were several cheers from the crowd.

"Now then…" Tsunade calmly drew a second wand from her sleeve. "Nar-Cinderella, you've been such a sweet girl your entire life, and I have watched you grow, but now, I will grant you a wish for your kindness."

Naruto looked at her, stars in his eyes. "Really?" he asked, ignoring the female shrieks of delight that sounded from the first row. "I wish I could attend the ball, and dance with Prince Charming!" he stated in an excited voice.

Tsunade nodded, calmly hiding Naruto in her silvery silk shawl, covering him. "And so you will! But be careful!" she warned. "At midnight, you'll change with the regular Cinderella, and the magic will be gone!"

Naruto, currently busy being dressed in a white ball gown with the help of Sai dressed in a silver suit for camouflage and an assistant doing his hair and makeup. "Of course Fairy Obaa-chan, err, Godmother!" he replied, finally ready, stepping away from Tsunade, showing off the white dress with silver lace and the pearls in his brushed hair. The ornate dress was shoulder-less, showing off his collar quite well while the long flowing material whispered around him. The pearls in his hair gleamed brightly, highlighting his hair. There was a touch of makeup around his eyes as

Kushina all but screamed, taking pictures with both her camera phone and digital camera. "THAT'S MY BABY!" she cheered.

Sai grinned, currently using an unconscious Sasuke as a sitting cushion while he admired his work. "I am a genius." he nodded to himself.

Naruto couldn't hide his blush. "B-But how will I go to the ball?" he asked, looking to Tsunade.

"There's a carriage waiting for you in the front of the manor, use that, and remember! Midnight! No later!" Tsunade exited, punching Lee in the gut when he showered her with more glitter.

_"Argh! C-Cinderella then rode to the castle in the carriage, p-preparing to meet the Prince Charming."_

There were cheers as the stage went dark for a scene change.

Kushina and Mitoko giggled insanely, blinking when Kyuubi and Itachi walked over to them.

"Did you see?!" Kushina asked, grabbing onto Kyuubi.

"He looked amazing!" Kyuubi agreed, looking at Itachi. "Right, Itachi?"

"Of course." Itachi replied smoothly. "He is you younger brother after all."

Minato coughed.

"And I didn't mean that in a perverted way at all, I was merely stating my non-perverse opinion. Completely non-perverse, not perverted at all." Itachi added, just as politely.

Mitoko giggled. "Sasuke couldn't really help himself, could he?" she laughed.

Itachi sighed. "Really, he couldn't waited for his scene at least." he flashed Kyuubi a sly smile.

Minato coughed again. Violently.

"Well then! I'll be returning to my seat, Kyuubi?" he looked at the redhead.

"Huh? Oh, sure. Bye, I'll see you all at the RxJ play!" Kyuubi smiled, following Itachi.

Minato blanched. "What?! He goes with him!? Is this some retro form of Stockholm Syndrome!? What on earth!?" he looked to Kushina. "Did he seem drunk?! Is it just me?!"

Kushina giggled. "Really now, Itachi's being much more of a gentleman since…well…" she trailed off, a glint entering her eyes, cracking her knuckles.

Everyone grew quiet as the stage lit up, and several student in dresses and suits walked around.

Sasuke walked among them, looking disoriented, rubbing his head.

_"And so, at the royal ball, Prince Charming wandered around, looking bored." _Lee announced.

Sasuke straightened, clearing his throat. "Oh, how I wish to have a ma..woman, right. One with blonde hair like the sun and eyes that shine like the sky in midday, with a slender body and such a nice as--"

Sasuke was abruptly cut off as a video camera went sailing, hitting him on the back of the head.

_"Um, Prince Charming had yet to find his true love, until…"_

Naruto walked in, dressed in his gown, looking around. "Oh, what a lovely ball!" he commented, strutting about, looking around in delight.

Like a wolf on a rabbit Sasuke pounced, cut off mid-spring by a shoe--that looked suspiciously like Kyuubi's--hitting the side of his head. Quite hard.

_"B-Both Cinderella and the Prince were enamored."_ Lee stated, looking piteous.

Naruto looked down the Prince sprawled at his feet. "All you alright, my Prince?" he asked, subtly kicking the Uchiha in the neck.

Sasuke coughed, scrambling up, dusting off his clothes. "Quite, and I ask that you, my Lady, allow me a dance." he held out a hand, bowing slightly.

Naruto slid his hand into Sasuke's, curtsying. "Of course…" he replied as music filled the air.

Kushina and Mitoko cooed, taking pictures.

"Aww…isn't that precious?" Itachi asked lowly, holding Kyuubi's wrist, the redhead clutching his other shoe, poised to strike.

"He. Will. Die." Kyuubi vowed darkly.

"Easy now…" Itachi replied mildly, holding Kyuubi back.

Kyuubi muttered several curses under his breath as he watched Naruto and Sasuke twirl around on stage.

Naruto blinked when a bell sounded. "Ah! 11:55?!" he stated, terrified, pulling away from Sasuke. "I have to go!" he stated, hurrying off.

Sasuke ran after him, glomping him and sending the two sprawling onto the floor.

_"Prince Charming worked out a lot…?"_ Lee tried.

"Idiot!" Naruto hissed, squirming about. "You're not supposed to catch me!" he whispered.

"You're so pretty…" Sasuke replied, pulling him to his feet.

Naruto gave him a flat look, smacking him with his shoe before huffing and continuing to exit the stage.

_"And so, the Prince was left with nothing but a glass slipper." _

Sasuke dropped to his knees, throwing his head back. "Noo!!" he yelled dramatically, slipper in hand.

He turned around to a servant. "Find hi-her! H-She's MINE!"

_"So the Prince ordered a land-wide shoe check to find his love."_

The stage went black again.

Sai was busy helping Naruto pull off his gown. "You looked lovely." he commented, pulling the dress away while another assistant helped Naruto dress into his patched dress.

"Why a dress?" Naruto whined.

Sai snorted. "Wait until you see the outfits Kyuubi-san will wear." he smiled.

Naruto sweatdropped. "Thanks, Sai. For the help." he replied. Sai paused, shaking his head.

"It's nothing Naruto-kun." he replied. "Now the next scene is about to begin." he ushered Naruto out onto the stage before heading back to the dressing rooms.

"Finally, after searching far and wide, Prince Charming and his servants arrived at Cinderella's home."

"I'm sorry." Sakura stated to the servant holding out the slipper. "That's not my size."

Sasuke hummed, looking about. "Where's the other--I mean, does anyone else live in here?"

TenTen huffed out a breath, fanning herself lightly. "Not even a mouse!"

Sasuke rounded on her. "Lies! Men, search the house!" he ordered.

"Oh, please, I'm coming." Naruto strode in, looking annoyed. "And I just cleaned this floor. Prince." he added as an afterthought.

Sasuke grabbed the slipper, all but diving for Naruto's foot.

"HAH! It fits! Now, let's go get married!" Naruto eeped when Sasuke tossed him onto his shoulder, running off the stage.

"LET ME GO!" Naruto wailed, blinking when Sasori, Deidara, and Kisame dropped from the catwalk.

"Uchiha! Halt!" Sasori yelled, the trio pursuing the running 'Prince'.

"Go baby brother, go!" Itachi cheered, before Kyuubi elbowed him in the gut.

Lee coughed _"And they lived…happily ever after. _YOSH!_"_

* * *

May: Lol, this took so long, lmao. I'm going to introduce Tobi next chapter O_O.

Review!


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